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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
When Our Values Become Expectations
Let’s be honest here, if you hold certain values really high, you get frustrated when you feel others do not uphold them. I just bought my Jeep Wrangler and put the money down, and I’m still waiting a week later for the keys. Even though they need to do a service, the parts are there, and they want to get that finished and get a second key cut. My value is: get a product to a customer as soon as possible. It also doesn’t help that companies like Amazon get you a product prett
Andrew Jaensch
3 days ago4 min read
Generational Behaviour
Here is a biological truth we seem to always forget: generational behaviour either gets continued or it gets changed. It’s literally a choice. The same strategies used for fulfilling needs or protecting ourselves are often the same or very similar to those used by our parents, and their parents before them. We like to think we are making independent decisions, but most of what we do automatically comes from what was modelled before we even had the awareness to question it. Wh
Andrew Jaensch
3 days ago2 min read
The Father Duck and the Forgotten Masculine
Today I was travelling through Ashton, like I do most mornings after the gym. The Adelaide Hills, clean, fresh air, that sharp kind that wakes your lungs up. It was a beautiful day with a bit of rain hanging around, those light showers that make everything smell new again. As I came around the twisting roads, I saw two adult ducks crossing with their ducklings. I slowed right down. And in that moment, something simple, something primal unfolded. The mother duck held back, kee
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 223 min read
Relaxing Into Uncertainty After Conflict Separation
Relaxing into the variations of a partner’s emotional responses is the key to unravelling the fear of uncertainty that forms after the family court system in new potential relationships. When you spend so long being told what you’re doing wrong, a pattern builds where hyper vigilance around personal mistakes becomes automatic. You overanalyse yourself to the point of discomfort. Tie this to a former judgmental partner who always made it feel like everything was your fault, an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 213 min read
You Are Not Tired of Walking on Eggshells in the Relationship, You're Tired of Monitoring Your Own Behaviour
Most people think they’re walking on eggshells because of their partner. But for so many anxiously attached or hyper-vigilant individuals, the truth is far more confronting: You’re not tired of your partner’s reactions. You ’re tired of analysing yourself every second of the day. But where is the true origin? You’re tired of trying to get everything right. Tired of scanning for micro-threats. Tired of trying to predict how someone might feel. Tired of checking, rechecking, re
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 203 min read
Get Used to Uncertainty: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
I get that separation is a serious topic. Most people going through a conflict separation have a whole list of people telling them, “Do this,” “Do that,” “If you don’t do this, you’re screwed.” One of the worst things I have ever heard from a coach was the line: “You’re screwed. You need a great lawyer.” WTF Those words send shivers down your spine. They make you think there is no possible solution to the predicament you now find yourself in. They shut down the belief that an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 193 min read
Training the Nervous System: Why New Strategies Matter After High-Conflict Separation
It’s going to be uncomfortable, like leaning over a sitting on herself and feeling that discomfort right up to your upper abdomen. BUT, working through our discomfort is where we actually grow. It’s where we become more grounded internally, more secure in our own ability to handle uncertainty, and where we develop new strategies that truly serve us. These are not strategies to manipulate an outcome. If you manipulate for outcome, you're still not developing strength in uncert
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 184 min read
Why Traditional Therapy Fails People Navigating Separation — And Why Coaching Creates Real Change
The counselling and psychology space, as most people know it, is built around talk therapy. Session after session where the therapist asks the same question in a different sentence, trying to get you to see the problem through your own lens.But here’s the issue:This is one of the most brutally immoral approaches to real behavioural change. Why? Because the client comes in with the existing tools, the same internal reality, the same patterns of thinking that aren’t serving
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 164 min read
Break the Loop: A Fast Way to Calm Fear-Based Thinking After Separation
For those repeating the same fear-based thoughts after separation, stuck in negative self-talk and anxiety loops, I want to give you a very fast way to bring your mind back into your body and the present moment. We can talk about getting out in nature, box breathing, yoga breathing, vocalising, or writing your thoughts down. All of those are great. But in the early stages, when you’re trying to solve a problem you’ve never faced before, with no memory or reference point to gu
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 102 min read
Letting Go of Hatred After Separation
It’s interesting, the amount of hatred people hold for a former partner. But I’m here to tell you: you need to let it go. Why? Not just for yourself, but for your former partner, and for everyone connected to your life. If reality mirrors what we feel inside, then the hatred or desire to hurt another person only reflects that same energy back toward ourselves. We might feel jealous of someone, but that jealousy often reveals a deeper belief that we can’t have what they have.
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 92 min read
The Solution Isn’t in the Problem
At times, it’s worth looking at our mistakes and learning from them, and most therapists will have you sit there in the past, ruminating over and over on what went wrong, to somehow learn everything that can be learnt and to unpack every detail. But the solutions are rarely found in the problem. It’s everything that the problem is not where the solution can be found, where creativity comes from, and where the mind awakens to receive answers. The solution to the problem or sad
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 84 min read
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children The sad truth is, so many parents are left fighting alone just to be in their children’s lives. Yes, friends might check in. Family may offer a shoulder to cry on. But when the weight of the family court system bears down — when false accusations arise, when parenting time is restricted, when you're misjudged by systems that should protect you, it often feels like you are the only one standing in the ring. And it’s lonely. Paren
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Understanding Parental Alienation
The Terminator Alienator As we explore what parental alienation truly is, I urge you to reflect on your own behaviours in relation to what is written. If you genuinely wish to protect your children, please refrain from any form of parental alienation. It is difficult to accept, but even if you are not seeing your children and may not see them for some time, we must create an open door that stands in contrast to such manipulative and abusive behaviour. What one parent can in
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 66 min read
Gaslighting in Relationships
19 th century applause Before electric lighting, there was gaslighting. The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light , in which a husband dims the gas lights in their home when his wife is alone and then denies that the lights have changed when she points it out. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves making someone doubt their own reality. Have you ever had a person make a mistake or do something that hurt you, and when you brought it up, they
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
Child and parent relationships restricted and controlled, The Gatekeeping parent.
The Ferryman Gatekeeping is the limiting and control of a parent and child relationship. The autonomy for a child to bond with another parent is often monitored and controlled as best suits the controlling parent. This can involve setting the times of any interaction or communication or, in extreme cases, limiting contact altogether. I see the gatekeeping parent as the Ferryman on the River Styx, unless you have the right coin for passage, you are not getting across. This g
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Court expert interviews. Don't play into emotional triggers
I’ve been told stories that have left me genuinely shocked at the conduct of some court-appointed experts, despite their responsibility to uphold a professional code of conduct. It's been reported that bias—whether conscious or not—can sometimes be present in their assessments. I heard of one situation where a parent received completely contradictory reports from two different experts: one with extensive trauma and child abuse training, and the other with a more general backg
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Breaking the Cycle of Financial Control: Healing the Fear Behind the Behaviour
If you were financially controlling in the relationship, it’s time to ask yourself: Why? What fear was driving this behaviour? Was it insecurity, a need for control, a fear of abandonment, or a belief that only you could ensure safety? Understanding this is not about self-judgement, it's about recognising patterns and breaking the cycle. Financial control is often rooted in a belief that money equals power, and power equals protection. But in reality, controlling a partner fi
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
When Stress Walks into Work – The Corporate Cost of Deregulated Nervous Systems
Separation and divorce aren't just emotional breakups, they’re identity collapses. And in Western societies, where our lives are built around what we have, who we love, and the roles we play, the destruction of a family unit isn’t just personal loss, it’s structural collapse. It’s not the separation itself that tears people apart, it’s what the separation means . In countries like Australia, where justice systems drag on and favour procedure over humanity, separation can mean
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
When the Workplace Becomes a Lifeline, or Another Battlefront
As much as employers desire consistent productivity from their team, there’s a harsh reality that can’t be ignored: an employee navigating a high-conflict separation, especially one involving family court battles, estrangement from children, or ongoing legal stress, is often running on fumes. They are not just fighting for emotional survival; they are fighting for financial survival too. Their job may be the only structure left standing, the only lifeline holding their world
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Supporting Employees Through Conflict Separation
A Corporate Resource for Creating a Stable, Trauma-Informed Workplace High-conflict separation, co-parenting challenges, and family court stress don’t just affect home life, they impact every part of a person’s wellbeing, including their work. Your employees may appear distracted, withdrawn, emotionally reactive, or frequently absent. But beneath the surface, they’re fighting to hold onto their children, their mental health, and their sense of safety in a system that often fe
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
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