Life Might Feel Like It’s Falling Apart, But How You Start Determines What Happens Next

Right now you may be thinking that life sucks.You’re in separation, your partner may have taken the children, you’re splitting assets, money is pouring into lawyers just to try and keep what you believe is yours, and yet the legislation will probably say you’ll lose it anyway.

It’s not fair.

In fact, it’s complete bullcrap if you ask me.

But it’s how it seems to be.

And this is where things get real:

How you look at your reality and circumstances will shape the outcome, and more importantly, how you begin again.

Most people stay obsessively focused on what they’re losing.

The threats.

The fear.

The uncertainty.

The endless “what ifs.”

But very few, almost none, can actually explain why it matters more to focus on what you can build.

I’m not talking about rebuilding, because that word drags the mind back to what you’ve lost.

Rebuilding implies replacing.

It points your attention toward the empty spaces.

It’s like walking into an empty house and remembering the furniture, the TV, the cupboards, the cutlery, everything that used to be there.

But building?

That’s different. That focuses your mind forward, not backward.

William James, an American psychologist and philosopher, understood this deeply.He believed behaviour, thoughts, and emotions were intertwined, but also that our physical reaction creates our emotional state, and that our beliefs shape our reality.

His most famous insight:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.”

James didn’t define truth by theory, he defined it by results.

If an idea produces real, measurable change in someone’s life, then it’s true.

He also believed that action precedes motivation.

Movement comes before momentum.Action is the foundation of change.

And this brings us to the core of what actually drives transformation.

Think about moving your arm.Some people say it starts with neurons firing.

Some say it starts with thought.

But thought alone doesn’t lift the arm.

Hope alone doesn’t create movement.

Wishing doesn’t initiate change.

Intention is the origin.

Not thought — intention.

And intention means everything when it comes to your internal representation of reality.

If you believe something won’t work, your intention shifts to making sure it doesn’t work, regardless of your thoughts, your hopes, or the bollox story you tell yourself about “trying.”

But here’s the beautiful part:

You can have negative thoughts and doubts, and still get positive results if your intention is aligned with forward action.

Your thoughts don’t have to be perfect.

Your nervous system doesn’t have to be calm.

You don’t need full belief.

You just need the intention to move toward a better outcome, and your actions will follow.

It’s important to recognise your intentions and the results of your actions.Are they aligned with what you want?Are they aligned with the way you want to impact someone else's life?

Simply intending to “be nice,” while ignoring how your behaviour affects another person’s emotional safety, is immature.

This isn’t about telling yourself you want to do better.

It’s about observing the outcome of your intentions and owning the truth:

If your actions aren’t creating the results you want, something has to change.

Not the universe.Not the other person.

Not the circumstances.

You.

If action is the foundation of emotion, then look at your behaviours:

• If you drink to forget?

• If you sit slumped on the couch replaying every fear?

• If you stare at the empty house remembering what was taken?

• If you beat yourself up mentally while refusing to stand up physically?

Then of course your emotions will match that posture.The body creates the feeling.

You don’t “feel sad” and then collapse, you collapse, and the body creates sadness.

This is why William James said emotion follows action.

Ask Yourself This, Right Now

How do I do sad?Not “how do I feel sad?”

But how do I physically perform sadness?

What does your posture look like?

Your breathing?

Your shoulders?

Your energy?

Your facial expression?

If your body is acting out sadness, your mind follows.

If your intention is pointing toward loss, your reality follows.

If your focus stays on what was taken, your future collapses into the past.

But if your intended action shifts toward building, not rebuilding, not replacing, but building, everything changes.

Not instantly.

Not perfectly.

But directionally.

Intended direction is everything.