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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Malicious Tactics
Malicious Tactics, exposes the manipulative behaviours often used during high-conflict separation — from false allegations and smear campaigns to emotional baiting and control disguised as concern. These tactics are designed to provoke fear, confusion, and self-doubt, keeping one parent reactive and disempowered. This category explores how to recognise these patterns, protect your energy, respond with strategy instead of emotion, and reclaim your clarity, truth, and peace of mind.
Stop Playing the Game of Winning, Your Child Needs You, Not a Battle Plan
Fathers, you need to stop playing the game of winning and entrapment just as much as you believe the mother might be doing the same. The court orders have been processed. You’re supposed to be seeing your children. And yet the visits aren’t happening. You’re trying to protect yourself. The other parent isn’t encouraging changeovers. And so both of you sit there blaming each other, scared that whatever you do will be used against you. You're terrified, but at the same time you
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 213 min read
Get Used to Uncertainty: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
I get that separation is a serious topic. Most people going through a conflict separation have a whole list of people telling them, “Do this,” “Do that,” “If you don’t do this, you’re screwed.” One of the worst things I have ever heard from a coach was the line: “You’re screwed. You need a great lawyer.” WTF Those words send shivers down your spine. They make you think there is no possible solution to the predicament you now find yourself in. They shut down the belief that an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 193 min read
Seeing Beyond the Lines: How Our Internal World Shapes Our Separation Journey
We often find ourselves in situations after separation that no one ever taught us how to handle. The problems that come with conflict separation are ones we’ve never faced before, so we panic. But here’s where it gets interesting. The way we see the world, our internal representation of it, is how we create our strategies of protection. There was a study carried out on kittens raised in the dark. One group was shown only black and white vertical lines, while the other was sho
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 92 min read
Why Posting on Social Media is a Dangerous Trap
One of the most common mistakes made during a high-conflict separation is venting on social media. When emotions are running high and you feel misunderstood or attacked, it is natural to want to “set the record straight.” You may feel the urge to tell the world what your former partner is doing, how unfair things are, or how you’ve been wronged. In the moment, it can feel like a release, like a way of reclaiming your story. But posting on social media about your partner—in an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Aggression by Association – The Hidden Narrative of Character Attacks
In high-conflict separations, malicious parents will often go beyond the family unit to paint a broader picture of instability. One common tactic is to construct a narrative of aggression not just towards them, but towards others. This includes neighbours, friends, church members, coaches, family acquaintances, and even strangers in public settings. The goal here is clear: to establish a pattern of behaviour, one that suggests you're not just difficult with your former partne
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
The Game of Shadows – Malicious Tactics and False Allegations in Family Court
Family court is not always the place of justice and reason we hope it to be. When separation becomes high-conflict, the courtroom can quickly transform into a battlefield—not just for parenting time, but for character, reputation, and truth itself. In this chapter, we step into one of the most unsettling realities of high-conflict separation: malicious intent and the strategic use of false narratives. It is painful to acknowledge, but essential to understand—because if you ar
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Community as a Quiet Witness Against False Claims
One of the most distressing realities of high-conflict separation is how often false or exaggerated claims of abuse appear in affidavits. Whether used as a tactic to gain full custody or simply to damage your credibility, these allegations can be emotionally crushing and incredibly difficult to disprove, especially when there are no witnesses and your life has become isolated. It’s understandable that many people, especially after being hurt or betrayed, instinctively withdra
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Immediate Steps to Put in Place after separation: Communication, Records, and Readiness
This block is about preparation, not paranoia . It’s about giving you a stable foundation, emotionally, legally, and practically—before anything escalates. Think of these tools as your storm shelter: not something you want to use, but something you'll be incredibly grateful for if the weather turns. In high-conflict separation, especially when family court is involved, it’s not about who’s right, it’s about who is clear, consistent, and prepared . The legal system doesn’t kno
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
How to handle seeing your child at a Child Contact Centre
If you are currently not seeing your children and in Family Court there is a good chance that the only way to see your children will be in a contact centre. The frustrating part about the contact centre is not the location or environment but the wait times to get in, some intakes taking over ten weeks from registration where both parents must register prior to any enrolment. If the other parent is not willing to autonomously enrol a child in the contact centre this will be le
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 66 min read
The family Court scales are not even.
Australia's Family Court system, originally established to fairly and impartially resolve familial disputes, is facing growing public backlash over what many see as systemic misconduct, ethical breaches, and gender bias. Despite its purpose of upholding the best interests of children and families, many parents, particularly fathers, report feeling betrayed by a system that seems more adversarial than just, more drawn out than resolution-focused, and more concerned with techni
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children The sad truth is, so many parents are left fighting alone just to be in their children’s lives. Yes, friends might check in. Family may offer a shoulder to cry on. But when the weight of the family court system bears down — when false accusations arise, when parenting time is restricted, when you're misjudged by systems that should protect you, it often feels like you are the only one standing in the ring. And it’s lonely. Paren
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Understanding Parental Alienation
The Terminator Alienator As we explore what parental alienation truly is, I urge you to reflect on your own behaviours in relation to what is written. If you genuinely wish to protect your children, please refrain from any form of parental alienation. It is difficult to accept, but even if you are not seeing your children and may not see them for some time, we must create an open door that stands in contrast to such manipulative and abusive behaviour. What one parent can in
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 66 min read
Spying and Creative Story telling.
What Do They Have on Me? With such a strong desire to win at any cost, the malicious parent will search for anything, social media posts, interactions, or photos, that can be twisted to paint you in a bad light. You should expect surveillance and monitoring of your social media accounts. Some posts or stories may be downloaded and presented in court, with the malicious parent spinning their own narrative to suit their claims. By using audience-tracking apps, you may notice
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Gaslighting in Relationships
19 th century applause Before electric lighting, there was gaslighting. The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light , in which a husband dims the gas lights in their home when his wife is alone and then denies that the lights have changed when she points it out. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves making someone doubt their own reality. Have you ever had a person make a mistake or do something that hurt you, and when you brought it up, they
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
Child and parent relationships restricted and controlled, The Gatekeeping parent.
The Ferryman Gatekeeping is the limiting and control of a parent and child relationship. The autonomy for a child to bond with another parent is often monitored and controlled as best suits the controlling parent. This can involve setting the times of any interaction or communication or, in extreme cases, limiting contact altogether. I see the gatekeeping parent as the Ferryman on the River Styx, unless you have the right coin for passage, you are not getting across. This g
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Lawyers Behaviour, a story of abuse, threats and intimidation.
Let’s start with the lawyers, because that’s probably the first thing you’ll think of after an un-amicable separation. And no, not all lawyers are bad people. Some genuinely have good hearts and want to help. But there are hidden truths within the system that people aren’t often told, especially when they’re in the thick of emotional pain and just trying to survive the process. If you’re representing yourself, expect to come up against intimidation and pressure from the oppos
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Court expert interviews. Don't play into emotional triggers
I’ve been told stories that have left me genuinely shocked at the conduct of some court-appointed experts, despite their responsibility to uphold a professional code of conduct. It's been reported that bias—whether conscious or not—can sometimes be present in their assessments. I heard of one situation where a parent received completely contradictory reports from two different experts: one with extensive trauma and child abuse training, and the other with a more general backg
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Quiet Evidence, Powerful Impact: Using Everyday Records to Stay Grounded Through False Allegations
One highly overlooked piece of evidence in these situations is your bank statement. Most people don’t realise that transactions at stores, cafes, cinemas, or parking meters often include the time, date, and location of the purchase. If you buy movie tickets, lunch, or fuel during the time you have your children, it quietly supports your timeline of events. In court, these small but consistent records can undermine vague or false allegations, especially when the accusing party
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Breaking the Cycle of Financial Control: Healing the Fear Behind the Behaviour
If you were financially controlling in the relationship, it’s time to ask yourself: Why? What fear was driving this behaviour? Was it insecurity, a need for control, a fear of abandonment, or a belief that only you could ensure safety? Understanding this is not about self-judgement, it's about recognising patterns and breaking the cycle. Financial control is often rooted in a belief that money equals power, and power equals protection. But in reality, controlling a partner fi
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
The Illusion of Narcissistic Value
The abuse in a narcissistic relationship is often long-standing, even after the relationship ends. But one thing stands out the most — the loss of yourself, your self-worth, and the false belief that you are incapable. The narcissist believes that by pulling you down, they raise themselves up. The little digs and constant cuts are meant to heighten their value over yours. They live with such a lack of internal security that they keep seeking external value, and by dragging so
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
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