Get Used to Uncertainty: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Andrew Jaensch
Nov 19
3 min read

I get that separation is a serious topic. Most people going through a conflict separation have a whole list of people telling them, “Do this,” “Do that,” “If you don’t do this, you’re screwed.”

One of the worst things I have ever heard from a coach was the line:“You’re screwed. You need a great lawyer.” WTF

Those words send shivers down your spine. They make you think there is no possible solution to the predicament you now find yourself in. They shut down the belief that anything can improve.

And I hate this, what an absolute peanut... not just because it’s simply not true, and not just because it’s one of the biggest generalisations that limits possibility, but because it’s terrible coaching.

What a way to shit all over my optimism.

Worse, some coaches jump from one belief to another, positive one second, pessimistic the next. I’ve had coaches like that. Their emotions were harder to handle than trying to put sunscreen right in the middle of your upper back… or more uncomfortable than watching farm animals do their thing… or working out on a machine at the gym where the person on the opposite machine is facing you directly. I mean, seriously, where do you even look? HAHA.

But here’s the real problem:

This kind of fearful messaging makes our bodies tighten up even more.

Our chest constricts.

Everything becomes rigid.

Our body sends panic signals to our brain, we don’t have enough oxygen! and suddenly the mind spirals, desperately trying to search for a solution to a stress response that is both mental and physical.

It’s chaos.

The Biggest Mindset Shift You Can Make?

Become Curious.

Curious about outcomes.

Curious about possibilities.

Curious about what could go right instead of what could go wrong.

And the biggest, grandest, most spectacular character-building, energy-giving, mindset-calming strategy is this:

Get used to UNCERTAINTY.

So many people think paying more lawyers, chasing communication, demanding answers, or controlling the situation in advance will bring calm.

But here’s the truth:

Even after you do all of that, If you can’t let go of the outcome…

If you believe you can’t handle what happens…

If you feel your entire world depends on getting the “right” result…

You end up living in no-man’s land, where it feels like a tonne of potatoes is weighing you down.

It’s not about avoiding your feelings or skipping the internal work. You still need to do that. But you also need to get used to the fluctuating emotions that come with anxiety, and still get on with your day.

Your life does not start or end based on an outcome, positive or negative. Outcomes create temporary emotions; they do not define you.

And here’s the kicker:

If you keep trying to control every ambiguous moment, even when you do get the result you wanted, you subconsciously reinforce a false cause-and-effect pattern. So you repeat the same pattern and behaviour again… and again… and again.

And every time, your body stores the stress:

Cortisol spikes
Muscles tighten
Fascia locks down
Movement becomes restricted

Like the River Torrens in Adelaide, stagnant, blocked, and honestly… not something you want to swim in. Yuk.

Vibrance and Joy Don’t Come From Avoiding Pain

Stability and strength don’t come from a life free of fear. Happiness doesn’t come from trying to control what’s outside your control.

So switch off the constant judgment from others during a court battle. And more importantly, switch off, at times, your own internal judgments that keep you stuck.

Work on what you need to work on. Become the grounded person you want to be. Become the loving partner, the accepting friend, the stable and driven version of yourself.

But also listen to the song that randomly plays in your head. It’s your soul reminding you:

I want to dance.

I want to move.

I want to express.

Haven’t you shut down who you really are for long enough?

Becoming whole and accepting yourself doesn’t mean fighting to change what another person thinks of you. It means being who you’ve always been, unapologetically, and letting the people who accept that version of you gravitate into your life.