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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Rebuilding life after separation
This category explores life after the storm, rebuilding a sense of self, stability, and purpose after conflict separation. When identity and confidence feel lost, these blogs guide you through rediscovery and rebuilding with strength and self-respect. Learn to regulate your nervous system, rebuild self-worth, and create a foundation for growth, not survival. It’s not about moving on fast, but rebuilding intentionally so your new life feels grounded, secure, and true to who you’re becoming.
The Nervous System, Heartbreak, and Learning to Love Again
I sit here writing and I think of all the anxiety I have experienced through the challenges I have faced in life. The pain, the hurt, the injuries. It feels like a life of pain, but we keep going, and I want to say you should too. Separation can hurt. It can break you. Family court and the people we once loved can cause the most pain we will ever experience. But I want to tell you that you can get through it and still not hold hatred for another, despite what they have done.
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 10, 20255 min read
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 9, 20254 min read
Creating Emotional Safety by Becoming Predictable, Grounded, and Clear
Emotional safety isn’t created by saying the right things or promising stability; it’s created by becoming predictable in your actions, grounded in your presence, and clear in how you show up. After a high-conflict separation, most men don’t realise how activated their nervous system is. They feel normal, but inside they’re reacting to every small shift in tone, every moment of silence, every slight variation in someone’s behaviour. Their mind is scanning, predicting, trying
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 7, 20255 min read
She doesn't stay because you love her.
Why Emotional Regulation Is the Core of Protecting Your Partner One of the biggest misunderstandings after trauma is believing that honesty alone is enough to keep a relationship safe. It’s not. Truth matters. Vulnerability matters. But truth delivered from an unregulated nervous system becomes something else entirely, intensity, pressure, emotional overflow. Your partner can handle honesty and vulnerability; what she cannot carry is the full force of your dysregulated trauma
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 4, 20253 min read
Her Emotional Safety
Trauma Patterns That Accidentally Undermine Emotional Safety After conflict separation, most people don’t realise how many of their automatic reactions aren’t actually “them,” but the survival patterns they built just to get through the chaos. Fight mode, freeze mode, people-pleasing, overexplaining, withdrawing, reassurance-seeking, all of this was survival. These patterns protected you when every email, affidavit, and legal threat felt like you were standing in front of a f
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 4, 20253 min read
How Fear of Loss Turns Into Pressure, Even When We Don’t Mean To
There is something deeply confusing that happens after conflict separation: the very moment we finally meet someone who brings us joy, calm, excitement, and a feeling of aliveness we haven’t felt in years is the exact moment our nervous system begins ringing alarm bells. It makes no rational sense, but trauma never works through logic. After a high-conflict separation, when you’ve been attacked, destabilised, isolated, or stripped of the life you once knew, the nervous system
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 3, 20254 min read
The Difference Between a Trigger and Actual Relationship Danger
There is a vital truth every person must learn after trauma: a trigger is not the same as actual relationship danger. Most people never learn this distinction, and because they don’t, they sabotage the very connection they want to protect. A trigger is the body remembering something that once hurt you. Actual danger is the present moment showing signs that something is genuinely unsafe. But when you’ve lived through separation, conflict, accusations, loss of children, financi
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 3, 20254 min read
Life Might Feel Like It’s Falling Apart, But How You Start Determines What Happens Next
Right now you may be thinking that life sucks.You ’re in separation, your partner may have taken the children, you’re splitting assets, money is pouring into lawyers just to try and keep what you believe is yours, and yet the legislation will probably say you’ll lose it anyway. It’s not fair. In fact, it’s complete bullcrap if you ask me. But it’s how it seems to be. And this is where things get real: How you look at your reality and circumstances will shape the outcome, and
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 2, 20253 min read
Stop Bitching Your Way Out of Feeling Your Feelings, How Family Court Trauma Hijacks Your Nervous System
The systems of family court trauma, high-conflict separation, and the period without seeing your child can leave your nervous system completely dysregulated and in serious need of repair. I’m not talking about endless counselling or sitting there analysing every thought to death. I’m talking about actual actions that rewire the fear response created by the unknown and the constant potential threats, threats that often come from the very system claiming to prevent domestic vi
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 2, 20253 min read
The Trauma of Family Court, the “Away-From” Mindset, and Why So Many Struggle to Rebuild
It can be hard to understand the trauma of family court and separation, especially when children are involved. We see parents struggling in so many areas of their lives, and one area that becomes painfully obvious is financial. People assume it’s laziness, or lack of motivation, or that the abuse of the family court system has shattered their will to work. They wonder why these parents can’t just snap out of it. But here is one key to understanding why so many struggle to reb
Andrew Jaensch
Dec 1, 20253 min read
When Our Values Become Expectations
Let’s be honest here, if you hold certain values really high, you get frustrated when you feel others do not uphold them. I just bought my Jeep Wrangler and put the money down, and I’m still waiting a week later for the keys. Even though they need to do a service, the parts are there, and they want to get that finished and get a second key cut. My value is: get a product to a customer as soon as possible. It also doesn’t help that companies like Amazon get you a product prett
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 26, 20254 min read
Generational Behaviour
Here is a biological truth we seem to always forget: generational behaviour either gets continued or it gets changed. It’s literally a choice. The same strategies used for fulfilling needs or protecting ourselves are often the same or very similar to those used by our parents, and their parents before them. We like to think we are making independent decisions, but most of what we do automatically comes from what was modelled before we even had the awareness to question it. Wh
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 26, 20252 min read
The Honest Self-Reflection We Avoid After Separation
We have all heard the stories of how bad your former partner was, and I bet if you really sat back and thought about how many times you complained about a former partner, you may be embarrassed to say the number. Probably like most, you told your entire family. Some do well and keep most of it to themselves, but there is a blessing in what we go through in separation. It gives us a chance for growth if we let the thoughts directed at others transition back to self . I’m not t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 25, 20253 min read
The Father Duck and the Forgotten Masculine
Today I was travelling through Ashton, like I do most mornings after the gym. The Adelaide Hills, clean, fresh air, that sharp kind that wakes your lungs up. It was a beautiful day with a bit of rain hanging around, those light showers that make everything smell new again. As I came around the twisting roads, I saw two adult ducks crossing with their ducklings. I slowed right down. And in that moment, something simple, something primal unfolded. The mother duck held back, kee
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 22, 20253 min read
Relaxing Into Uncertainty After Conflict Separation
Relaxing into the variations of a partner’s emotional responses is the key to unravelling the fear of uncertainty that forms after the family court system in new potential relationships. When you spend so long being told what you’re doing wrong, a pattern builds where hyper vigilance around personal mistakes becomes automatic. You overanalyse yourself to the point of discomfort. Tie this to a former judgmental partner who always made it feel like everything was your fault, an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 21, 20253 min read
Stop Playing the Game of Winning, Your Child Needs You, Not a Battle Plan
Fathers, you need to stop playing the game of winning and entrapment just as much as you believe the mother might be doing the same. The court orders have been processed. You’re supposed to be seeing your children. And yet the visits aren’t happening. You’re trying to protect yourself. The other parent isn’t encouraging changeovers. And so both of you sit there blaming each other, scared that whatever you do will be used against you. You're terrified, but at the same time you
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 21, 20253 min read
You Are Not Tired of Walking on Eggshells in the Relationship, You're Tired of Monitoring Your Own Behaviour
Most people think they’re walking on eggshells because of their partner. But for so many anxiously attached or hyper-vigilant individuals, the truth is far more confronting: You’re not tired of your partner’s reactions. You ’re tired of analysing yourself every second of the day. But where is the true origin? You’re tired of trying to get everything right. Tired of scanning for micro-threats. Tired of trying to predict how someone might feel. Tired of checking, rechecking, re
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 20, 20253 min read
Get Used to Uncertainty: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
I get that separation is a serious topic. Most people going through a conflict separation have a whole list of people telling them, “Do this,” “Do that,” “If you don’t do this, you’re screwed.” One of the worst things I have ever heard from a coach was the line: “You’re screwed. You need a great lawyer.” WTF Those words send shivers down your spine. They make you think there is no possible solution to the predicament you now find yourself in. They shut down the belief that an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 19, 20253 min read
Training the Nervous System: Why New Strategies Matter After High-Conflict Separation
It’s going to be uncomfortable, like leaning over a sitting on herself and feeling that discomfort right up to your upper abdomen. BUT, working through our discomfort is where we actually grow. It’s where we become more grounded internally, more secure in our own ability to handle uncertainty, and where we develop new strategies that truly serve us. These are not strategies to manipulate an outcome. If you manipulate for outcome, you're still not developing strength in uncert
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 18, 20254 min read
The chess Board of Family Court.
I know it's hard to look at the positives during a high-conflict separation where your very character seems to be attacked. Or maybe you made some mistakes in your past that you’re not proud of, and now it feels like all your old history is being dragged back up again, no matter how much self-work you’ve done. I’m here to tell you that you’re not being judged for who you truly are by the other side during a conflict separation in the family court system. You’re hearing the na
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 17, 20254 min read
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