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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Rebuilding life after separation
This category explores life after the storm, rebuilding a sense of self, stability, and purpose after conflict separation. When identity and confidence feel lost, these blogs guide you through rediscovery and rebuilding with strength and self-respect. Learn to regulate your nervous system, rebuild self-worth, and create a foundation for growth, not survival. It’s not about moving on fast, but rebuilding intentionally so your new life feels grounded, secure, and true to who you’re becoming.
When Our Values Become Expectations
Let’s be honest here, if you hold certain values really high, you get frustrated when you feel others do not uphold them. I just bought my Jeep Wrangler and put the money down, and I’m still waiting a week later for the keys. Even though they need to do a service, the parts are there, and they want to get that finished and get a second key cut. My value is: get a product to a customer as soon as possible. It also doesn’t help that companies like Amazon get you a product prett
Andrew Jaensch
5 days ago4 min read
Generational Behaviour
Here is a biological truth we seem to always forget: generational behaviour either gets continued or it gets changed. It’s literally a choice. The same strategies used for fulfilling needs or protecting ourselves are often the same or very similar to those used by our parents, and their parents before them. We like to think we are making independent decisions, but most of what we do automatically comes from what was modelled before we even had the awareness to question it. Wh
Andrew Jaensch
5 days ago2 min read
The Honest Self-Reflection We Avoid After Separation
We have all heard the stories of how bad your former partner was, and I bet if you really sat back and thought about how many times you complained about a former partner, you may be embarrassed to say the number. Probably like most, you told your entire family. Some do well and keep most of it to themselves, but there is a blessing in what we go through in separation. It gives us a chance for growth if we let the thoughts directed at others transition back to self . I’m not t
Andrew Jaensch
6 days ago3 min read
The Father Duck and the Forgotten Masculine
Today I was travelling through Ashton, like I do most mornings after the gym. The Adelaide Hills, clean, fresh air, that sharp kind that wakes your lungs up. It was a beautiful day with a bit of rain hanging around, those light showers that make everything smell new again. As I came around the twisting roads, I saw two adult ducks crossing with their ducklings. I slowed right down. And in that moment, something simple, something primal unfolded. The mother duck held back, kee
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 223 min read
Relaxing Into Uncertainty After Conflict Separation
Relaxing into the variations of a partner’s emotional responses is the key to unravelling the fear of uncertainty that forms after the family court system in new potential relationships. When you spend so long being told what you’re doing wrong, a pattern builds where hyper vigilance around personal mistakes becomes automatic. You overanalyse yourself to the point of discomfort. Tie this to a former judgmental partner who always made it feel like everything was your fault, an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 213 min read
Stop Playing the Game of Winning, Your Child Needs You, Not a Battle Plan
Fathers, you need to stop playing the game of winning and entrapment just as much as you believe the mother might be doing the same. The court orders have been processed. You’re supposed to be seeing your children. And yet the visits aren’t happening. You’re trying to protect yourself. The other parent isn’t encouraging changeovers. And so both of you sit there blaming each other, scared that whatever you do will be used against you. You're terrified, but at the same time you
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 213 min read
You Are Not Tired of Walking on Eggshells in the Relationship, You're Tired of Monitoring Your Own Behaviour
Most people think they’re walking on eggshells because of their partner. But for so many anxiously attached or hyper-vigilant individuals, the truth is far more confronting: You’re not tired of your partner’s reactions. You ’re tired of analysing yourself every second of the day. But where is the true origin? You’re tired of trying to get everything right. Tired of scanning for micro-threats. Tired of trying to predict how someone might feel. Tired of checking, rechecking, re
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 203 min read
Get Used to Uncertainty: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything
I get that separation is a serious topic. Most people going through a conflict separation have a whole list of people telling them, “Do this,” “Do that,” “If you don’t do this, you’re screwed.” One of the worst things I have ever heard from a coach was the line: “You’re screwed. You need a great lawyer.” WTF Those words send shivers down your spine. They make you think there is no possible solution to the predicament you now find yourself in. They shut down the belief that an
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 193 min read
Training the Nervous System: Why New Strategies Matter After High-Conflict Separation
It’s going to be uncomfortable, like leaning over a sitting on herself and feeling that discomfort right up to your upper abdomen. BUT, working through our discomfort is where we actually grow. It’s where we become more grounded internally, more secure in our own ability to handle uncertainty, and where we develop new strategies that truly serve us. These are not strategies to manipulate an outcome. If you manipulate for outcome, you're still not developing strength in uncert
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 184 min read
The chess Board of Family Court.
I know it's hard to look at the positives during a high-conflict separation where your very character seems to be attacked. Or maybe you made some mistakes in your past that you’re not proud of, and now it feels like all your old history is being dragged back up again, no matter how much self-work you’ve done. I’m here to tell you that you’re not being judged for who you truly are by the other side during a conflict separation in the family court system. You’re hearing the na
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 174 min read
Why Traditional Therapy Fails People Navigating Separation — And Why Coaching Creates Real Change
The counselling and psychology space, as most people know it, is built around talk therapy. Session after session where the therapist asks the same question in a different sentence, trying to get you to see the problem through your own lens.But here’s the issue:This is one of the most brutally immoral approaches to real behavioural change. Why? Because the client comes in with the existing tools, the same internal reality, the same patterns of thinking that aren’t serving
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 164 min read
Letting Go of Hatred After Separation
It’s interesting, the amount of hatred people hold for a former partner. But I’m here to tell you: you need to let it go. Why? Not just for yourself, but for your former partner, and for everyone connected to your life. If reality mirrors what we feel inside, then the hatred or desire to hurt another person only reflects that same energy back toward ourselves. We might feel jealous of someone, but that jealousy often reveals a deeper belief that we can’t have what they have.
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 92 min read
Money, Worth, and Receiving After Separation
Part 1: When Money and Love Feel the Same Many of us are working to heal the belief that we have to earn love. We used to think we had to be perfect, work hard, please others, or shape ourselves into what they needed just to be loved. But healing means learning we can receive love and respect simply for being ourselves. No performance. No exchange. But when it comes to money, many of us carry a very different belief. We feel guilty receiving money without having to do somethi
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 66 min read
The Price of Survival: How Financial Stress Shapes Our Reactions, Relationships, and Recovery
Financial stress isn’t just about numbers in a bank account—it’s about survival. When money feels scarce or insecure, our nervous system shifts into a state of high alert, preparing for perceived danger. In this state, commonly referred to as fight, flight, or freeze, our brain prioritises immediate safety over long-term strategy, logic, or compassion. This is why money problems often lead to outbursts, blame, avoidance, or emotional detachment, not because people are bad or
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
Rebuilding Your Relationship with Money After High-Conflict Separation
For many individuals who’ve been through high-conflict separation and the family court process, money stops feeling like a tool and starts feeling like a threat. They become afraid of wealth — afraid that if they build it again, it will be taken from them. Afraid that any financial success will just end up being spent on protecting themselves or fighting for their relationship with their children. Here’s where the confusion lies:We start to act and feel as though money itself
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Choosing Fulfilment Over Familiarity: A New Path
You may be standing at a crossroad right now—torn between going back to the job you used to do, the one that paid the bills but never truly lit you up, or choosing a new path that feels more aligned with who you are becoming. After separation, trauma, or life upheaval, it’s natural to crave safety. To crave stability. You might think, “Maybe I should just go back to what I know.” But something feels different now. That old life, as familiar as it was, doesn’t quite fit anymor
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Relationship Choices After Separation, And How They Affect Our Children
The truth is, after high-conflict separation, many parents are driven by a strong urge to jump straight into a new relationship. It helps calm our nervous system. It makes us feel wanted again. We crave that feeling of being chosen, and sometimes, the return of butterflies feels like healing. But what if those butterflies aren’t chemistry, but familiarity? What if the pull is not a sign of something new, but a sign we’re repeating something old? And what if, in the rush to fe
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
The Discipline of Delayed Gratification After Separation
After a high-conflict separation, you can find yourself back at square one, emotionally, financially, even spiritually. Years of building stability, creating a home, working hard to accumulate assets, suddenly disrupted. Courtrooms, legal battles, accusations, and the distribution of things you once considered yours, your safety, your structure, your peace, become the new normal. It’s not just grief. It’s disorientation. In the chaos, risk becomes terrifying. Creativity goes
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Seeing Through Their Eyes, Why Your Former Partner’s Perspective Matters
In the aftermath of high-conflict separation, it is natural to become consumed by your own perspective. You’ve likely spent countless hours analysing what went wrong, replaying events, and trying to understand how someone you once trusted has now become unpredictable, even adversarial. When legal accusations, emotionally charged texts, and conflicting co-parenting approaches enter the picture, your instinct may be to focus on disproving, defending, or correcting your former p
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
A Letter from Your Future Self
It’s interesting how we often become anxious about the future, angry and regretful about the past, but mostly feel sad in the present moment, especially when everything seems to be falling apart. We search for instant gratification to escape the situation we’re in and avoid our emotions, especially when we don’t have the safety we need to feel them. We may jump into new relationships to avoid doing the self-work that really needs to come first. We don’t create a life of our o
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
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