Stop Playing the Game of Winning, Your Child Needs You, Not a Battle Plan

Fathers, you need to stop playing the game of winning and entrapment just as much as you believe the mother might be doing the same. The court orders have been processed. You’re supposed to be seeing your children. And yet the visits aren’t happening. You’re trying to protect yourself. The other parent isn’t encouraging changeovers. And so both of you sit there blaming each other, scared that whatever you do will be used against you. You're terrified, but at the same time you’re setting a trap in your mind to try and win custody overall.

But while you’re busy focusing on the actions of the other person, trying to prove something, trying to win control, you’re actually not seeing your child, literally and emotionally.

Let me tell you a story.

It’s transition time from one parent to the other. Your little girl is sitting in the other parent’s car. She’s not being encouraged to come to you, while the other parent stands there asking you to come to them. You want the other parent to encourage her because the court orders say they should. You feel it’s not your place to walk up. It’s scary, because you know damn well that if you do, it might be twisted, used against you, thrown into some affidavit later. So you freeze. She’s frozen. And your daughter is stuck in the middle of two adults who are both too scared to make the first move.

Your daughter may be frightened to come to you because she thinks it might upset the other parent who isn’t encouraging her. But then you get back in your car. You drive away. Heartbroken. Angry. Sad. Scared that if you did walk up it would have blown up in your face anyway. You justify why you left. You tell yourself you were following the orders. You tell yourself you’re protecting your case.

But here’s the part most fathers don’t see:

Your daughter remembers you driving away.

She doesn’t understand legal jargon.She doesn’t understand orders, affidavits, or how manipulation works.She doesn’t see the meaning behind your actions, she only feels the distance, the abandonment, the moment you vanished when she needed you to be the one person who stood tall for her.

It’s not normal for a child not to want to see their parent. But when a child sees you leave, even if your reason was fear, she stores that moment inside her little body. That moment becomes a belief. And the next time, she protects herself by pulling away even more.

Not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s scared of losing you again.

So yes, it’s time to let go of the uncertainties.

It’s time to walk up to your daughter regardless of how uncomfortable it feels.

Regardless of whether you think it might be a trap.

Regardless of what you think the mother will write in an email later.

Regardless of your lawyer’s warnings, your fear of being stitched up, or your internal panic of doing the “wrong thing.”

Do what is right for your child.

Let lawyers twist their narratives. Let others spin their stories.Over time, your child will see your actions, not their words.

We get so scared of the "what ifs" that we abandon the very thing we should be choosing: our child.

Conflict separation is brutal. It’s unfair. It’s cruel. It breaks people down. Everyone is telling you to be serious and cautious and consider every possible negative outcome. But in all that fear, you forget the simple truth:

Your child needs you to rise above fear and show up with love, not strategy.

So if the other parent asks you to come help your child, even if your mind screams that it's a setup, try thinking about what your child sees, not what your lawyer sees. Stick to orders, yes. Protect yourself, yes. But don’t be so terrified of the consequences that you withhold love and presence from a little child who is caught in a storm she never asked for.

You might not see the ghosts building behind her eyes, but they are.

And the only thing that protects her from them is you showing up despite the fear.