It is often hard to feel like celebrating others’ wins and happiness when our own lives seem to be in chaos. The stress and frustration of being stuck in the family court system — the lawyers’ fees, the attacks on character — often leave individuals with scars that last a lifetime, and some eventually choose to give up.
But what is really going on in our minds that makes us feel less excited for those we love — or even for people we barely know? I want to bring to light the false beliefs that keep us stuck and in pain.
1. The belief that others’ happiness takes away from our own.
We often think someone else’s success or happiness somehow limits our ability to have our own. But that is completely false. There isn’t a limited amount of creativity or success to go around. Happiness comes from an internal state. The confusion comes when we externalise happiness — believing it is something we must find out there — and then feel threatened when others seem to have it.
2. The fear of being left behind.
When we lose so much — our wealth, our home, our health — it’s natural to fear rejection. But often, those who leave us in those moments never truly valued us for who we were, only for what we could provide. When they move on, it is a reflection of their lack of self-worth, not ours. A person who feels whole doesn’t need to take from you; any gift they receive is a pleasure, not an expectation. You are worthy — in your good days and your bad. Self-worth is not built on what you have, but on who you are.
3. The comfort of misery.
When we feel disconnected from others’ success, we sometimes secretly feel better when they struggle. It brings them “down to our level,” making us feel less alone. Victims often seek the company of other victims, because it validates their internal experience. But surrounding yourself with others who are stuck can keep you stuck too.
4. Subconscious sabotage of our own success.
When we resent others for being happy or successful, we create a subconscious belief that works against our own success. If we view success as a threat, then becoming successful ourselves would make us the threat. What we are internally, we project externally — and what we believe about others we eventually believe about ourselves.
5. Jealousy robs us of gratitude.
Jealousy removes from a state of abundance and places us into a mind set and false belief of lack. It programmes our mind to pay attention to what others have and that we do not. A mind scanning for contrast from a place of lack wants to validate this false belief and so we remain in lack, and action out behaviour that keeps us so, simply to validate the false belief that we believe to be true.
6. Changing the way we think.
The well-known verse “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” could be expanded to say: “Think of others as you would want them to think of you.” Our thoughts influence our actions, and our beliefs shape those thoughts. If we want to create a life of growth, we must choose thoughts that uplift others — because in doing so, we uplift ourselves.