Wishing Others Would Change – And Why That Keeps Us Stuck
So many people sit in relationships feeling stuck. It’s the same person, same arguments, same frustrations—but we hold on, hoping something will shift. Some leave, thinking they’ll find someone “better,” only to end up in the same dynamic with a new face. Others pray that their partner will change, that the universe will finally deliver someone who matches their values, their vibe. As if there’s a shortage of people, or worse, as if it’s all about finding someone else to fill a hole inside them.
But here’s the truth most don’t want to hear: it’s rarely about the other person.
People become obsessed with external validation—wanting to feel whole through someone else’s attention, approval, or love. But that search keeps them running in circles. Always reaching, never arriving. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and choosing someone who fits—but when that choice comes from lack, fear, or the need to be saved, it’s not a choice. It’s a coping strategy.
If you have an abandonment wound, you’ll keep attracting people who leave. And you’ll tell yourself it’s them, every time. But maybe, just maybe, they’re in your life to show you what still needs healing.
The one who’s terrified of being left often becomes controlling—trying to keep someone close to avoid the pain. The one who fears intimacy attracts either emotionally distant partners or those who are so emotionally needy that it becomes suffocating—and then they run again. The angry person? They keep finding people who trigger that anger. Every single time.
And here’s what most don’t see: it’s not the world working against you. It might actually be working for you. All these mirrors, all these patterns—they’re not just happening to punish you. They’re showing you what’s unresolved inside you. But if we never stop and look inward, we’ll keep attracting the same energy, same behaviours, same emotional loops—just with different people.
It’s easy to say relationships take two. But if you don’t change, then no matter who walks into your life, the same patterns will play out. Your ex dumped you and doesn’t want you back? Let them go. If nothing inside you has changed, what exactly are you asking them to come back to?
Stop chasing what’s rejecting you. Stop spending energy trying to win someone back who doesn’t see your worth. That energy? Use it to rebuild you. Focus inwards. That’s where the real shift happens.
When we stop trying to impress others, stop trying to manage how people perceive us, stop bending ourselves to fit someone else’s insecurity—then we can finally be whole. And when we’re whole, we no longer need validation to feel worthy. We no longer need to perform for love. We just are.
The fear of being alone? Yeah, it’s real. But walking alone for a while is better than walking with someone who keeps pulling you off your path. Because when you choose you, stay steady in your values, and keep building your own life—those who are meant to walk beside you will show up.
Not because you begged. Not because you twisted yourself to be accepted. But because they saw the real you and wanted to walk with you as you are.
So stop waiting for someone to change.
Be the change. Choose the path that’s yours.
And when someone asks why you’re starting a new business, building your life, doing things differently—you tell them:
“Because I’m motherfucking [insert name]. That’s why.”