The abuse in a narcissistic relationship is often long-standing, even after the relationship ends. But one thing stands out the most — the loss of yourself, your self-worth, and the false belief that you are incapable.
The narcissist believes that by pulling you down, they raise themselves up. The little digs and constant cuts are meant to heighten their value over yours. They live with such a lack of internal security that they keep seeking external value, and by dragging someone else down, they feel like they’ve gained.
But this is only an illusion. Their “value” is created by the false distance between their perception of themselves and their perception of you.
It’s like sitting at the stop lights with your foot pressed hard on the brake. Suddenly you feel your car is rolling forward — but it’s actually the car next to you moving back. That’s the narcissist. They think they’re moving forward, but really, they’re stuck in the same place. The gaslighting that made you feel less than didn’t raise them up — it only pushed you down. They haven’t moved anywhere, not even after the relationship ended.
This is where you take your power back. The truth is, you didn’t go backwards. You took your foot off the brake, but instead of accelerating forward, you slipped into neutral and started rolling back, believing their story. Gaslighting is nothing more than a consistent narrative designed to serve their insecurity and lack of self-worth. They don’t have the courage to heal, so they keep living in fear, stuck in a cycle that never serves them or anyone else.
You may have felt this early on. Your body probably gave you signals, but you brushed them aside. And when they argued or told you your feelings were wrong, you stopped questioning what you always knew deep down wasn’t right. Over time it became easier not to question at all. But the body remembers.
When you reclaim yourself, anger will feel justified. But anger alone keeps you tied to them. What serves you better is curiosity — asking what’s truly in your best interest, and what real love actually looks like.
Because true love never puts another down to feel powerful. True love comes from wholeness. It celebrates success without feeling threatened. It says, “FUCK YEAH!” when a partner thrives. It shouts, “I am so proud of what you accomplished and the effort you put in.”
Real love isn’t scared of another’s strength. It learns from it. It celebrates it. It doesn’t pull down — it lifts up. True love encourages growth, togetherness, and the pursuit of what lights each other up.