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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Training the Nervous System: Why New Strategies Matter After High-Conflict Separation
It’s going to be uncomfortable, like leaning over a sitting on herself and feeling that discomfort right up to your upper abdomen. BUT, working through our discomfort is where we actually grow. It’s where we become more grounded internally, more secure in our own ability to handle uncertainty, and where we develop new strategies that truly serve us. These are not strategies to manipulate an outcome. If you manipulate for outcome, you're still not developing strength in uncert
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 184 min read
Why Traditional Therapy Fails People Navigating Separation — And Why Coaching Creates Real Change
The counselling and psychology space, as most people know it, is built around talk therapy. Session after session where the therapist asks the same question in a different sentence, trying to get you to see the problem through your own lens.But here’s the issue:This is one of the most brutally immoral approaches to real behavioural change. Why? Because the client comes in with the existing tools, the same internal reality, the same patterns of thinking that aren’t serving
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 164 min read
The Solution Isn’t in the Problem
At times, it’s worth looking at our mistakes and learning from them, and most therapists will have you sit there in the past, ruminating over and over on what went wrong, to somehow learn everything that can be learnt and to unpack every detail. But the solutions are rarely found in the problem. It’s everything that the problem is not where the solution can be found, where creativity comes from, and where the mind awakens to receive answers. The solution to the problem or sad
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 84 min read
Gaslighting in Relationships
19 th century applause Before electric lighting, there was gaslighting. The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light , in which a husband dims the gas lights in their home when his wife is alone and then denies that the lights have changed when she points it out. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves making someone doubt their own reality. Have you ever had a person make a mistake or do something that hurt you, and when you brought it up, they
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 64 min read
When Silence Speaks Louder – Understanding Avoidant Behaviour After Separation
After a separation, particularly one marked by high conflict, the behaviour of an avoidant partner can feel cold, distant—even cruel. But behind the silence, the withdrawal, and the shutdown responses, there is often a far more complex truth. Avoidant individuals do not disconnect to punish. They disconnect to survive. To regulate. To protect themselves from overwhelm. Dr. Amir Levine, in his book Attached , explains that avoidant attachment develops in environments where em
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Dating, The Holding Back of Telling Our Truth, Fear of Rejection
The Holding Back of Telling Our Truth – Fear of Rejection I think we all have this feeling — the hesitation, the holding back — especially when we feel that our past experiences might define how someone sees us. People say they don’t care what others think, and maybe that’s true to a point. But that usually erodes pretty quickly when we meet someone new. When we start to feel something. When the chance to be seen comes along. It doesn’t always start like that. Sometimes we’re
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Settling for Stability While Ignoring Red Flags
I see this all the time, and I’ve felt it in myself. That drive for stability after separation, to rebuild, to feel safe again. It’s understandable. When you’ve been through something as intense as a high-conflict separation, you don’t just want love, you crave ground beneath your feet. So we meet someone who seems like they have it all together. Good job, good car, a nice life. It looks like everything we’ve been trying to rebuild on our own, already built in front of us. Bu
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
Wishing Others Would Change, And Why That Keeps Us Stuck
So many people sit in relationships feeling stuck. It’s the same person, same arguments, same frustrations—but we hold on, hoping something will shift. Some leave, thinking they’ll find someone “better,” only to end up in the same dynamic with a new face. Others pray that their partner will change, that the universe will finally deliver someone who matches their values, their vibe. As if there’s a shortage of people, or worse, as if it’s all about finding someone else to fill
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
The Test We Receive to Grow
It is so easy to form the perspective that we just need to remove the dislikes we saw in our previous relationship, the things that made us angry, the personalities that set us off, and the situations that evolved that we’d say provoked us to behave the way we did. We look to the external world to blame for why we are the way we are. We hand over emotional authority to what happens outside of us. But what if these are actually tests? What if they’re opportunities to reveal t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
The Chase of a Partner
As we start to date again, especially after heartache or separation, it’s not uncommon to feel that pull — that yearning for connection. Some of us turn inwards out of fear, scared to be seen again. Some of us reach out, longing for the warmth of another. And every now and then, we go on a date, have a coffee, enjoy a walk — and something unexpected happens: genuine interest. Not just ours, but theirs too. And that’s when it hits. That moment where reality collides with desir
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
Dating After Hurt — Saying the Truth Without Losing Yourself
I don’t want you to feel bad about holding onto your truth when you meet someone you genuinely feel a connection with. Sometimes we meet someone at the gym, while out for coffee, doing the usual routine, and there’s this moment where you finally get the courage to say hi. You feel a spark. Maybe you swap numbers, grab a coffee, laugh a little, feel that familiar feeling of being seen again. But then there’s that gut pull — that internal voice that says, “You need to tell them
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
The Hidden Cost of Holding On: Fear, Authenticity, and Commitment
It’s not surprising when we see individuals caught in relational conflict. More and more, the authentic self is being hidden—an attempt to shield the heart from the risk of rejection. So we hide. We meet people wearing the same masks, talking ourselves up while concealing the past that we fear may be seen the wrong way. We don’t want to hide, but it takes courage to be honest. Most people step into a new relationship, a new love, a new life, while still holding onto something
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Learning to Trust Again
I know it’s hard to move into new genuine attraction, to let go of what feels like it protects us. We never want to experience the hurt we’ve been through before, so we protect ourselves. Sometimes we protect so much that we forget to experience the full impact of what could be possible. But it’s okay to feel this way, too. I want you to know that you are capable of rebuilding and of trusting again — knowing that if it doesn’t work out, it won’t hurt as much this time. And if
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Relationship Choices After Separation, And How They Affect Our Children
The truth is, after high-conflict separation, many parents are driven by a strong urge to jump straight into a new relationship. It helps calm our nervous system. It makes us feel wanted again. We crave that feeling of being chosen, and sometimes, the return of butterflies feels like healing. But what if those butterflies aren’t chemistry, but familiarity? What if the pull is not a sign of something new, but a sign we’re repeating something old? And what if, in the rush to fe
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
Seeing Through Their Eyes, Why Your Former Partner’s Perspective Matters
In the aftermath of high-conflict separation, it is natural to become consumed by your own perspective. You’ve likely spent countless hours analysing what went wrong, replaying events, and trying to understand how someone you once trusted has now become unpredictable, even adversarial. When legal accusations, emotionally charged texts, and conflicting co-parenting approaches enter the picture, your instinct may be to focus on disproving, defending, or correcting your former p
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
A Letter from Your Future Self
It’s interesting how we often become anxious about the future, angry and regretful about the past, but mostly feel sad in the present moment, especially when everything seems to be falling apart. We search for instant gratification to escape the situation we’re in and avoid our emotions, especially when we don’t have the safety we need to feel them. We may jump into new relationships to avoid doing the self-work that really needs to come first. We don’t create a life of our o
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Fear of Success After Separation
After a harsh and conflicting separation, many of us don’t simply walk away unscathed. The trauma lingers. It’s not like being hurt by someone and then leaving the environment and person behind, it doesn’t just stop. For many, the pain and conflict carry on well past the breakup. The body remains on high alert. The nervous system becomes heightened, hypervigilant, constantly searching for where the next threat might come from. I once met a woman who slept with a knife under h
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
The Search for Validation: Why We Struggle to Keep Moving After Separation
The Search for Validation: Why We Struggle to Keep Moving After Separation At some point—after the heartbreak, the longing, the endless tears—we decide it’s time to get our life back on track. We make that quiet commitment to change. To heal. To start again. But here’s the thing: if we focus too much on the result rather than the process, we often find ourselves slipping back into old roles. Most notably—the victim. It might sound harsh, but inside each of us, there’s a const
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Letting Go Is More Important Than Gaining
With the world we live in today—marketing, ads, content everywhere—it’s easy to get stuck in the mindset that we are lacking. That we need to go find something, someone, some next step to finally feel better, to get back on track. But here’s the truth most people miss: it’s not about gaining more. Most of the time, it’s about what we need to let go of. We often forget that it’s ourselves holding us back from healing and growth in nearly every part of our life. It’s the small
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
The Hidden Chaos: Life After Traumatic Separation in the Workplace
Employees who’ve gone through a traumatic separation often appear to be thriving on the surface. They may rejoin society with energy—hitting the gym, joining new groups, throwing themselves into work or hobbies. From the outside, it might seem like they’ve rebuilt. But beneath that shiny exterior, there is often a silent chaos. The inner world still carries the same patterns, the same wounds—just dressed in new habits. Here’s the truth: changing your environment doesn’t alway
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
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