After a conflict separation, an individual—whether navigating it independently or through the family court system—may find that their internal world and their sense of self is deeply altered. Hypervigilance sets in. They begin to monitor how they see themselves based on an almost constant attempt to keep others happy.
The family court system is one of the most brutal experiences a person can endure—second only, perhaps, to war, abuse, and similar traumas. The judgments, the twisting of narratives, the relentless attacks can fracture identity, leaving people questioning their worth and seeking external validation that they are doing the right thing.
It’s important to understand that many of the personal attacks delivered in these settings are not about fairness—they are strategies designed to win. And while intellectually that may be true, emotionally it rattles the individual to their core.
The Role of Business in Stability
Businesses that educate themselves on this principle can better serve the emotional stability of employees who are navigating such chaos. Sometimes all it takes is a simple affirmation: reminding employees that they are heading in the right direction, that they are in fact doing a good job.
This may sound like babying—and some managers may resist the idea—but it isn’t. The focus must remain on outcomes and the bigger picture. Which actions best serve the desired goal: procedures that heighten stress, or strategies that calm the nervous system and allow employees to function?
A simple acknowledgment from a manager can bring peace to an employee who is otherwise caught in a storm. It reminds them that not everyone is out to judge, ridicule, or distort their efforts. Micromanagers in particular must be cautious—because their methods, when applied to staff already in relational conflict, can heighten anxiety and trigger shutdowns, outbursts, or even resignation.
The Spectrum of Needs
It’s important to remember that this is not one-size-fits-all. Even individuals with strong internal self-worth may find reassurance in hearing their efforts acknowledged—it calms the nervous system. For those who already lean on external validation, extra confirmation may be essential.
Patterns formed in childhood often resurface in times of relational stress. People don’t necessarily react from their rational, adult selves—they react from survival patterns. These reactions are not about age, position, or gender; they are about biology and nervous system states.
A Simple But Powerful Approach
The lesson is simple: be kind. Offer small praises. They go much further than most realise. In times of conflict separation, those small gestures of recognition may be the difference between an employee barely holding on—and an employee able to stay steady, engaged, and contributing through one of the most difficult experiences of their life.