Validation is not constant pats on the back or a quick, “Good job.”
During personal trauma—especially high-conflict separation—chaos doesn’t just live in the individual’s outer world. It runs wild internally, in the mind and the nervous system. There’s a constant scanning for threats, a survival mode that rarely switches off.
Employees in this state often don’t have the support to regulate their nervous system at home, and if the same is true at work, the stress compounds. Without emotionally stable friends, family, or colleagues, their ability to self-regulate drops even further.
Biologically, this isn’t just “mental stress.” Oxytocin—the hormone of connection and trust—is often replaced by cortisol. And while cortisol gets a bad reputation, in short bursts it’s actually trying to help. It mobilises energy, sharpens focus, and aims to bring the body back to balance. But in chronic stress, the body is forced to keep producing it, and that’s when it becomes draining rather than regulating.
Why “Good Job” Falls Flat in Survival Mode
Corporate leaders who want to retain employees through these periods need to understand that validation isn’t about praising the work. It’s about reassuring the person that they are safe, that they matter, and that they have stability in the storm.
A simple, “Great effort” often lands as self-serving—“Thanks for helping me out”—because the receiver’s brain is wired for survival, not contribution. In survival mode, people aren’t primarily focused on helping others; they’re focused on keeping their own head above water.
What hits deeper is validation that recognises their place and their importance:
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“We’re really glad we have you here.”
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“It’s important to us that you succeed.”
These phrases create a feeling of togetherness, a sense of belonging and stability, which is something many corporate cultures miss. When companies value only what someone produces rather than who they are, it’s no surprise loyalty suffers.
Stability as Emotional Safety
Validation of a person’s importance creates psychological safety for those who don’t have a partner or family to shield them from failure.
We see this in individuals who thrive when they have a supportive partner, yet shrink when they lose them. Their motivation has been tied to an external safety net—a muse, if you will. When that’s gone, they instinctively search for another source of safety. If the workplace doesn’t provide that, they may leave, even if the job is objectively good, simply because they don’t feel emotionally secure.
The Corporate Takeaway
If businesses want to keep talented employees during personal upheaval, they must think beyond output-based recognition. They need to validate safety.
That means:
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Creating an environment where belonging is felt, not just stated.
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Ensuring people know they are valued beyond what they produce.
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Recognising that stability and trust can be more motivating than bonuses or promotions when someone is in survival mode.
When companies can do this, they become more than employers. They become a source of emotional safety—something powerful enough to keep even the most shaken individuals anchored and engaged.