For employees navigating separation, especially those chained to the family court system. The ups and downs of emotions can be hard to predict or navigate. Sudden sick leave or mental health leave may become frequent, not because the employee is trying to sabotage the business or hates their position, but because they need some control while they process the chaos in their personal life.
Businesses that demand too much from employees, with little to no culture or sense of belonging, can unintentionally trigger avoidance. When work feels draining or stressful, it can feel like a threat to safety.
Here’s the crazy truth: there is no such thing as “bad work.” Work itself isn’t the enemy, it’s our perception that shapes whether it feels like a threat or an opportunity. What is threatening to one employee may be motivating to another.
Employees going through the “separation season” often operate from an avoidance mindset, not a growth mindset. This perspective directly impacts how tasks, directions, and responsibilities are approached.
Managers and leaders must learn to communicate through this lens of avoidance, not just by offering “what’s best” for the employee, but by creating safety and reducing perceived threats in the process.
Communication that Supports Rather than Triggers
When communicating new tasks or changes, managers should explain them in a way that shows employees what stressors can be avoided, not just what outcomes can be achieved.
This does not mean threatening termination for poor performance. Punishment-based motivation often backfires, pushing already-stressed employees to resign as an act of self-protection. Resignation is within their control, and for someone in survival mode, it becomes the easiest escape from a perceived threat.
Managers need to reflect honestly: does my style of communication feel like another threat to avoid? This is difficult to navigate, but with practice, managers can build safer communication habits that reduce fear and build trust.
Showing how the work environment can help an employee reduce chaos outside of work can help shift their perception, allowing them to view their position as a stabilising factor, not another source of threat.
Strategies to Build Stability and Predictability
The first strategy businesses should implement for employees in conflict separation is stability and predictability.
Employees are not always making decisions through logic, they are making them through their nervous system. Their senses are signalling threats, bypassing rational analysis. They are choosing based on what emotions they want to avoid.
Businesses can reduce fear by building a culture of safety and predictability:
-
Clear communication that mirrors whether an employee is in an “avoidance” or “growth” state. Speak to their perspective.
-
Reassurance of job security — communicate that their position is safe.
-
Predictable routines for tasks and schedules. When changes are necessary, communicate early. Early communication reduces anxiety.
-
Systemised instructions for tasks, reducing cognitive load and problem-solving demands for overwhelmed employees.
-
Awareness of family court dates and events — allow time before and after for emotional regulation. Employers who ignore this risk being the “final straw” that leads to resignation.
-
Minimise additional stressors — new workloads or harsh communication can be perceived as threats by employees already in fight-or-flight mode.
-
Promote honest communication — employees need to know they can speak openly without punishment. Fear of honesty leads to silence, mistakes, and low productivity.
Why It Matters
An employee stuck in an avoidance mindset is scanning for threats — not opportunities. An unsafe work environment may shut down communication completely, creating more mistakes, disengagement, and ultimately, lower revenue for the business.
There is much for businesses to understand about the intensity of emotions during conflict separation, and how personal relational trauma directly influences workplace decisions. A little stability, predictability, and empathy can go a long way — not just for the employee’s wellbeing, but for the health and retention of the business itself.