The Chase of a Partner
As we start to date again, especially after heartache or separation, it’s not uncommon to feel that pull — that yearning for connection. Some of us turn inwards out of fear, scared to be seen again. Some of us reach out, longing for the warmth of another. And every now and then, we go on a date, have a coffee, enjoy a walk — and something unexpected happens: genuine interest. Not just ours, but theirs too.
And that’s when it hits. That moment where reality collides with desire. They actually like us back. And in the days that follow, there’s this urge — this pull — to reach out, to message, to feel close again. Let me say this clearly: that urge isn’t wrong. You are not broken for feeling it.
But here’s the thing most of us miss — desire is built in the spaces between connection.
In the silence between catch-ups, in the memory of the night just passed, in the soft glow of a smile remembered — this is where longing grows. When we rush to fill that space with a text, a joke, a “hey, just thinking of you,” we often soothe ourselves more than we let desire unfold.
You might feel like if you don’t keep up the momentum, it’ll fizzle. That this thing, this new hope, will slip through your fingers. But that’s anxiety talking — not reality.
What if I told you that letting things breathe is the very thing that allows them to grow?
They might be thinking of you too. Sitting there, holding their own feelings, letting your presence from the date settle into their body. Let them. Give them that gift. The truth is, when we text too often, we rob both ourselves and them of the chance to feel the afterglow of what just happened.
Texting out of fear turns energy into pressure. It shifts from “I like you” to “Please reassure me.” And nobody wants to feel like they’re responsible for someone else’s peace. You don’t have to create interest — it already exists. What’s real doesn’t need to be chased.
We say we want love, but often what we seek is control. Because control feels safer than uncertainty. But love isn’t built in control. It’s built in freedom — in the choice to return.
No amount of messaging will bring back someone who’s not interested. And not messaging for a while won’t scare off someone who is.
Feelings don’t vanish overnight. Silence doesn’t kill romance. It deepens it. But only if you can sit with the silence yourself. That’s where the work is.
So instead of reaching for your phone, reach for yourself. Reflect. Grow. Remind yourself of your worth.
Say to your person — not in words but in energy:
“I like you. You know I’m interested. But I don’t need to chase you to feel whole.”
What is for you will never pass you by. Let go of the idea that you have to grasp for it to stay.
Let go of the urge to control. Because what we try to force into place often slips right through.
Desperation comes from fear. Attraction comes from wholeness.
Work on your self-worth. Remind yourself daily:
“I am worthy of this. Thank you.”
You don’t need to beg for love. You need to become the version of you that receives it freely.
If they don’t reply, you have your answer.
If they do, it’s because they wanted to — not because you prodded. And that’s so much more powerful. That’s where love lives.
In freedom.
Let them choose you.
Let yourself be chosen.
After your date, say to yourself:
“They got to experience who I am. Now I give them the freedom to choose, without me adding a thing.”