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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
What Demotivates Us May Be More Than Laziness
Like most people, we often feel that we need motivation to start—a spark of inspiration to be creative or tackle a new task. But what if our lack of motivation comes from something deeper? What if our body is actually telling us the true nature of why we lack the drive? When we visualise something that demotivates us, we can analyse our body and feelings in that moment. What you may notice is that visualising something you fear creates very similar sensations. Could it be tha
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Breaking Free from the Programmes That Keep Us Stuck After Separation
If you’ve been through a separation, you may find yourself replaying the past, focusing on everything that went wrong. It hurt. The emotions you feel now may be hard to sit with. If you suffered abuse, betrayal, or had the rug pulled out from under you, the shock can be overwhelming. “How was I so blind?” is a question many ask themselves. Often, people play their character so well during a relationship that their underlying motives never surface — though occasionally, they p
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Breaking Free from Fear: How Attachment Patterns Shape Life After Separation
If we look at the behaviour of an adult after separation and even before, in a failing marriage, there’s often a chronic shrinking of the self. You feel unsafe to take risks, to chase your dream, to really live. Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, shows that children who experience responsive, consistent care early on, particularly from ages 1 to 3 develop a secure base for exploration and confident connection later in life. In those early years, a child uses their
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 51 min read
Coming Home to Yourself After Separation
We may have lost ourselves in our past relationship. Our emotions never seemed to be accepted, told we were overreacting, that we didn’t understand. Our perspectives and perceptions were challenged, told they were wrong. Our opinions no longer seemed to matter. The direction we once wanted to go slowly disappeared. The compass that once pointed to our North Star no longer seemed to give any clear direction. Over time, we learned not to give an opinion, to remain silent. It ne
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
It Was Never You
So many relationship therapies will focus on learning how to see from another perspective, to learn what their needs are and engage in the relationship, but this method does not work for the person who has been manipulated to believe in something that was never real to begin with. For the person whose aim is only self, marriage therapy is not a way to work together. It becomes a way to gain control. To keep the false narrative alive that you were the problem. That all their
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
When Stress Silences Love: How High-Conflict Separation Shapes Parent–Child Bonds
High-conflict separation, especially when drawn out through the family court system, can be one of the most emotionally destabilising experiences a person can go through. If you already live with an anxious attachment style, this process may feel like confirmation of your deepest fears, of being abandoned, misunderstood, or rejected. When the future of your relationship with your child feels uncertain and you are being scrutinised at every turn, your nervous system can easily
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
The Illusion of Narcissistic Value
The abuse in a narcissistic relationship is often long-standing, even after the relationship ends. But one thing stands out the most — the loss of yourself, your self-worth, and the false belief that you are incapable. The narcissist believes that by pulling you down, they raise themselves up. The little digs and constant cuts are meant to heighten their value over yours. They live with such a lack of internal security that they keep seeking external value, and by dragging so
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Choosing a path forward
It is important to recognise that creating narratives in your mind about what happened—why your partner left, what they did, what they “should” be doing now—will not change them or what they have chosen to do. No amount of anger, frustration, or mental rumination changes the reality of the situation. And yet, so many get stuck in this cycle: thinking that if they could just find the right perspective, the right argument, the right “truth,” somehow the outcome will shift. But
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
How Emotional Stress Impacts the Body, Mind—and Your Career
It is often overlooked just how much emotional stress during high-conflict separation can impact not only our home life but our career and professional reputation. Whether you are an employee or a business owner, separation stress does not stay neatly in a box labelled personal life —it seeps into everything, including your work. When we remain constantly focused on the negative—on the injustice, the betrayal, the fear of losing our children or our security—our body responds
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 56 min read
Emotional Regulation Through Movement: More Than Just “Go Exercise”
So, you’ve heard it all before. “Get off your ass and exercise, it’s good for you.” They all say it. You already know. But honestly, if you’ve ever tried to lift weights at the gym after not seeing your children for a week or more, it can feel like everything is pointless. That emotional lasso wrapped tight around your chest just doesn’t want to loosen. Here’s the thing—just like doing a job you hate, forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy, even if there’s a financ
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Blocks We Build After High-Conflict Separation and Relationship Trauma
The mental blocks we form after high-conflict separation and relationship trauma often go unseen — sometimes for years. They are not always obvious. Most lawyers, therapists, counsellors, even those who work day in and day out through the family court system, miss these deeper wounds — wounds that become so intertwined into our minds, our bodies, and our nervous systems, that they start to feel like a part of us. They sink in like parasites, embedding themselves into how we t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 55 min read
Co-Regulating Emotions in Intimate Relationships
Babies are not born with a fully formed sense of self. In the earliest stages of life, there is no distinction between "me" and "you." They perceive themselves as one with their caregiver and their environment. It is only through time, repetition, and emotional mirroring that a child begins to recognize their individuality. Through this co-regulation with a nurturing adult, a baby learns to soothe, to feel safe, and eventually to develop a separate and stable sense of self. B
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Roles We Play – Emotional Survival and Patterned Behaviour
From the moment we are born, we begin to learn how to get our emotional needs met. As children, we instinctively observe and remember: What behaviour brings comfort? What expression gets us picked up? What words make someone listen? Whether it’s a cry, a tantrum, a silent withdrawal, or a charming smile, these responses begin to shape the strategies we carry into adulthood. A child who throws a tantrum and gets the toy learns that heightened emotion brings reward. A child who
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 43 min read
Regret Over Reaction, Understanding Guilt, Shame, and Misalignment
Guilt and shame are heavy. They creep in after we’ve acted in a way that doesn’t sit right with us, after we’ve raised our voice, pushed someone away, said something we wish we hadn’t. These emotions often hit hard in relationships, especially when we're under pressure or already stretched thin. But here’s something worth sitting with: those behaviours might feel natural in the moment, but they’re not random. They come from somewhere deep, patterns, conditioning, survival res
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 44 min read
Food, Mood, and the Nervous System: What You Eat Shapes How You Feel and set of your triggers.
When navigating prolonged stress, especially in the context of high-conflict separation, it’s easy to overlook how much your diet influences your emotional and physiological resilience. But the nervous system doesn’t operate in isolation. It’s deeply connected to your gut, your hormones, your blood sugar levels, and your daily nutritional inputs. In high-stress environments, the right foods can support calm and clarity, while the wrong ones can amplify anxiety, worsen brain f
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 47 min read
What Happens in the Body When the Sympathetic Nervous System Is Activated
When you're under high stress, especially the kind that comes with high-conflict separation, the sympathetic nervous system shifts your body into a state of survival. It’s like a silent alarm system going off inside you, designed to keep you alive in the face of perceived danger. The system tightens, contracts, and reallocates your body’s resources to prepare you for one of four survival strategies: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In this state, the brain signals the adrenal
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 42 min read
The Hidden Pain of Parents in the Family Court System
The pain that fathers experience through the family court system is devastating to witness. Many are alienated from their children, forced into parenting programs, and left defending against false or exaggerated allegations. On top of this, they shoulder the financial weight of defending themselves, paying for compulsory courses, legal fees, and ongoing child support for a child they may not even be allowed to see. Meanwhile, the court process can drag on for years, eroding t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 42 min read
The Boiled Egg Principle – Patience, Power, and the Family Court
With so many uncertainties after separation—and especially during family court, it makes perfect sense that you want to control whatever you can. Constant emails to lawyers. Trying to control how much time you have with your children. Fixating on money, accounts, calendars. With so much out of your hands, the mind and body start hunting for any sliver of stability. And where there’s none, it tries to create it. But here’s the truth: that kind of control often isn’t about logi
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 43 min read
When Conflict Makes Us Shrink
Separation, especially the kind that drags you through the fire of family court—can make even the strongest, most self-assured person feel like a shadow of who they once were. When every part of your life and character is put under a microscope, it's no wonder so many of us start to shrink. We lose our bravery, our confidence, our voice, and even our intelligence. It can feel like our passion disappears, like the very light inside of us dims. After separation, and particularl
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 33 min read
The Programmes We Run After High-Conflict Separation
What we perceive that we need will dictate the actions we take. Those actions are filtered through programmes wired by our past experiences. Like most people, we stick to a set programme that once worked for us. With memories wired as patterns, the more we access them, the stronger the neural pathways become, reinforcing our belief system. Patterns of behaviour that get us what we want, whether through positive or negative actions, become ingrained simply because at some poin
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 32 min read
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