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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Stop Playing the Game of Winning, Your Child Needs You, Not a Battle Plan
Fathers, you need to stop playing the game of winning and entrapment just as much as you believe the mother might be doing the same. The court orders have been processed. You’re supposed to be seeing your children. And yet the visits aren’t happening. You’re trying to protect yourself. The other parent isn’t encouraging changeovers. And so both of you sit there blaming each other, scared that whatever you do will be used against you. You're terrified, but at the same time you
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 213 min read
The Game of Shadows – Malicious Tactics and False Allegations in Family Court
Family court is not always the place of justice and reason we hope it to be. When separation becomes high-conflict, the courtroom can quickly transform into a battlefield—not just for parenting time, but for character, reputation, and truth itself. In this chapter, we step into one of the most unsettling realities of high-conflict separation: malicious intent and the strategic use of false narratives. It is painful to acknowledge, but essential to understand—because if you ar
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 62 min read
How to handle seeing your child at a Child Contact Centre
If you are currently not seeing your children and in Family Court there is a good chance that the only way to see your children will be in a contact centre. The frustrating part about the contact centre is not the location or environment but the wait times to get in, some intakes taking over ten weeks from registration where both parents must register prior to any enrolment. If the other parent is not willing to autonomously enrol a child in the contact centre this will be le
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 66 min read
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children
The Sad Truth: Fighting Alone for Your Children The sad truth is, so many parents are left fighting alone just to be in their children’s lives. Yes, friends might check in. Family may offer a shoulder to cry on. But when the weight of the family court system bears down — when false accusations arise, when parenting time is restricted, when you're misjudged by systems that should protect you, it often feels like you are the only one standing in the ring. And it’s lonely. Paren
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 63 min read
How Much Resilience Should Our Children Endure?
So many people say that children are resilient. And while this is true to some extent, it does not mean they will automatically develop healthy emotional coping strategies. In fact, when a child is constantly placed in an environment where they must adapt to pain, unpredictability, or emotional instability, their coping strategies may become their character. But are those coping strategies healthy, or are they survival mechanisms? What if what we often call resilience is actu
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
A safe place to call home, Why Stability Matters More Than You Think.
I can understand, as a father, being the one who has to leave the family home. All too often, fathers are leaving their home or being kicked out and having to look for their own accommodation. But let us focus here on how our children feel in our home or place of residence. Whether this be a rental, your own house, or even if they are staying with their mother and you only get to see them on the weekend. If you cannot see your children at this time, it is hard to have any con
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Emotional Outbursts and the Safety to Feel
It can be confronting when your child begins to unravel emotionally after separation. Maybe it starts small: irritability, resistance, mood swings. But then comes the outburst—in public, at school, in a restaurant. A wave of emotion that catches you off guard, and with it, an urge to control, to shut it down quickly. Often, it seems less about the child's behaviour and more about controlling the perception of others: What will people think of my parenting? What does this say
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Its Ok To Keep Going, Even Through the Tears
So often, we feel like it’s not okay to feel the way we do after separation. The world seems to shout that we must have it all together. So, on the outside, we put on a brave face — a mask for the world — while at home, we quietly fall apart. Neither is wrong. These protective behaviours serve us in different ways. The brave face protects us from external judgement. The internal breakdown is where we let it all out. But here’s the part we don’t always see: our children are wa
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
You Do Not Need to Know, Child interrogations don't bring clarity.
You may feel that you have to know what is going on in the other parent’s home and with your child, but you don’t. The urge to question your child after contact or visitation is common—often driven by a deep desire to protect or prepare. But beneath this surface lies something more primal: the attempt to soothe your own nervous system. The feeling of not knowing can feel intolerable in a high-conflict separation, and parents may turn to their child to fill in the blanks. But
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Importance of Extended Relationships for a child
If your child has been withheld from you and you are going through a custody battle, then more than likely, you and your entire family are being prohibited from seeing your child or children. This behaviour—where one parent withholds a child—is one of the most painful experiences a parent and extended family can endure. One day you might be interacting with your children daily, and the next, they are gone, with legal proceedings becoming your only path forward. You may turn t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Tying children to our own personal image and why it often backfires.
Our children do not need to be like us. We may, at times, try to control our children’s behaviour in environments where we really should stay out of it. We may have a sense that our child’s behaviour is somehow a reflection of our own values, but this is not true. Let’s say our child is acting the clown at sports day (I have had this happen) and the other parent or yourself wants to tell them off or stop the behaviour. While this may seem like a logical and normal response to
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
Court ordered Child focused programmes
Programmes such as kids are first and other parenting programmes are what I think is one of the best courses for any parent ordered by the Family Court, simply because both parents are usually ordered to enrol in the training, it seems to be the only course that both parents actually have to enrol in, however, the coarse is not reported on, or evaluated other than the parent receiving a certificate of completion, a simple “tick the box” to please the court, while some parent
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Family Court, creating Trauma for children.
With so many parents, individuals, court employees, specialised and experts expressing dissatisfaction with the Family Court system it becomes increasingly clear that the issues within the system do not fall solely on the judges, lawyers and experts. While some may make grave errors and be swayed by personal biases and external influence, it appears more and more that the Family Court system is fundamentally broken. It is no longer serving those who seek its shelter and aid.
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Blaming after divorce and how it affects our children.
The malicious parent will avoid responsibility for any fault of their own within the relationship. I have heard many parents blame the other for their current position in life, with little to no reflection on how their own choices led them there. Often, this delusion and avoidance of responsibility stems from a character disorder. A parent with such traits may make statements like, “He is the reason I was unable to finish my college degree,” or, “I had to take care of the chi
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Hidden Wounds of Parental Alienation
In conflict separation and the family court process, it is often seen that one parent ends up with primary care of the child. In some cases, this is necessary—particularly when there is a genuine and proven history of abuse. But where it is not, or even in cases where abuse may have occurred but has been handled without addressing the deeper needs of the child, the real and lasting wounds are often formed in silence. Much of our culture discusses how a father’s treatment of a
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
When Stress Silences Love: How High-Conflict Separation Shapes Parent–Child Bonds
High-conflict separation, especially when drawn out through the family court system, can be one of the most emotionally destabilising experiences a person can go through. If you already live with an anxious attachment style, this process may feel like confirmation of your deepest fears, of being abandoned, misunderstood, or rejected. When the future of your relationship with your child feels uncertain and you are being scrutinised at every turn, your nervous system can easily
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Poor Behaviour That Hurts Children and Your Position in Family Court
Let’s look at some poor behaviour that does not serve children, or a parent’s position, during high-conflict separation and the family court process. First, it’s important to acknowledge the pain you may be feeling. The actions we take in these moments often feel like desperate attempts to connect with our children—especially if we are spending less time with them, or have not seen them for some time. Family court is an environment of immense emotional stress, and that stress
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Children First: Why Emotional Coaching Matters in High-Conflict Separation
During the chaos of high-conflict separation, parents can become so caught up in their own emotions that they forget the role of co-regulation for a young child’s mind. A child who once lived in stability and routine, rhythm and melody , can be pushed off centre into a structure of misunderstanding. Their emotions can’t handle what they don’t understand. What looks like tantrums, anger, hitting, or talking back is often just pressure building—feelings that can no longer be co
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
When High-Conflict Separation Overwhelms a Mother’s Capacity to Care for a Young Child
I’m saying this directly to the men who are hurting: if you’re trying to control the situation, no matter how false the claims or how manipulative your former partner may be, please sit with this picture for a moment. I know how hard this is if you haven’t seen your child, or you’ve been shut out of updates for weeks or months. I’m not minimising your pain. I feel it with you. But every choice we make, and it is a choice —lands somewhere in a child’s world, either helping or
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
Relationship Choices After Separation, And How They Affect Our Children
The truth is, after high-conflict separation, many parents are driven by a strong urge to jump straight into a new relationship. It helps calm our nervous system. It makes us feel wanted again. We crave that feeling of being chosen, and sometimes, the return of butterflies feels like healing. But what if those butterflies aren’t chemistry, but familiarity? What if the pull is not a sign of something new, but a sign we’re repeating something old? And what if, in the rush to fe
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
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