If we look at the behaviour of an adult after separation and even before, in a failing marriage, there’s often a chronic shrinking of the self. You feel unsafe to take risks, to chase your dream, to really live.
Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, shows that children who experience responsive, consistent care early on, particularly from ages 1 to 3 develop a secure base for exploration and confident connection later in life. In those early years, a child uses their caregiver as a “secure base,” enabling them to feel safe while discovering the world.
In contrast, a conflict-laden relationship breeds constant unease. Without safety, trust erodes. Employees who’ve experienced that internal insecurity paired with lost self-worth are less likely to take risks or embrace new challenges. When businesses punish mistakes, these individuals often retreat. What looks like resistance is actually protection: a survival response.
Trust itself can take years to rebuild, but trusting yourself may take even longer. Without someone to "catch" you when you fall, fear of failure can become paralyzing.
If you want to break free from patterns that were once protective, the first step is action. Not taking action keeps you stuck. Fear of accountability keeps you frozen. But reframing failure as feedback "Pause... what a gift" allows growth.
Attachment Theory at Work also provides insight here. In the workplace, attachment styles influence how people respond to stress, leadership, and change.
Secure attachments are linked with creativity and trust, whereas insecure attachment patterns often lead to anxiety, withdrawal, and burnout.