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Articles and Blogs
Our articles and blogs dive deep into the emotional reality of conflict separation, exploring the pain, fear, and growth that come with co-parenting, rebuilding after loss, and learning to love again. Through honest reflection and grounded insight, we unpack the hidden patterns and emotional triggers that shape how you think, feel, and respond during and after separation.
These writings explore what it means to raise children between two homes, to face the uncertainty of new relationships, and to navigate the complex layers of identity that form when love, family, and trust have been tested. These writings aim to help you recognise your emotional triggers, understand your behavioural responses, and uncover the internal representations you’ve built from your past experiences, the mental and emotional filters that shape how you see the world, others, and yourself.
By bringing awareness to these patterns, you begin to shift from reactivity to regulation, from fear to understanding. Our goal is to help you find calm through the chaos, rebuild emotional safety, and create relationships, with your children, your partner, and yourself, that are rooted in awareness, authenticity, and growth.
Fear of Success After Separation
After a harsh and conflicting separation, many of us don’t simply walk away unscathed. The trauma lingers. It’s not like being hurt by someone and then leaving the environment and person behind, it doesn’t just stop. For many, the pain and conflict carry on well past the breakup. The body remains on high alert. The nervous system becomes heightened, hypervigilant, constantly searching for where the next threat might come from. I once met a woman who slept with a knife under h
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
The Hidden Chaos: Life After Traumatic Separation in the Workplace
Employees who’ve gone through a traumatic separation often appear to be thriving on the surface. They may rejoin society with energy—hitting the gym, joining new groups, throwing themselves into work or hobbies. From the outside, it might seem like they’ve rebuilt. But beneath that shiny exterior, there is often a silent chaos. The inner world still carries the same patterns, the same wounds—just dressed in new habits. Here’s the truth: changing your environment doesn’t alway
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Self-Worth: The Invisible Architect of Our Reality
A perception of low self-worth is often the silent driver behind our deepest core wounds. Beneath most struggles in relationships, personal growth, and even professional success lies an internal story: “I’m not enough.” Whether this narrative was seeded in childhood through neglect, criticism, or rejection, or in adulthood through betrayal or loss, it has a way of embedding itself into the subconscious. From there, it begins to shape how we see ourselves, how we act, and ev
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Letting go of the Ego.
The new problems we face cannot be solved with the old mind that created them. Yet we try—and in doing so, we create the very stress we are attempting to avoid. We hold tightly to what we do not want to lose, believing we can somehow carry the old life into the new one we envision. But like the person who grips a cookie inside the jar, he cannot pull it out to taste its sweetness. He forgets that there are far more nourishing foods beyond the jar. We stress because we lack th
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 52 min read
Breaking Free from the Programmes That Keep Us Stuck After Separation
If you’ve been through a separation, you may find yourself replaying the past, focusing on everything that went wrong. It hurt. The emotions you feel now may be hard to sit with. If you suffered abuse, betrayal, or had the rug pulled out from under you, the shock can be overwhelming. “How was I so blind?” is a question many ask themselves. Often, people play their character so well during a relationship that their underlying motives never surface — though occasionally, they p
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Breaking Free from Fear: How Attachment Patterns Shape Life After Separation
If we look at the behaviour of an adult after separation and even before, in a failing marriage, there’s often a chronic shrinking of the self. You feel unsafe to take risks, to chase your dream, to really live. Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, shows that children who experience responsive, consistent care early on, particularly from ages 1 to 3 develop a secure base for exploration and confident connection later in life. In those early years, a child uses their
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 51 min read
The Mechanic of the Human Mind
Oh, to be the mechanic of the human mind, to look down at a world full of beings who all seem so similar in biology, able to speak, listen, create, and explore. Not unique to a single group but to the whole. And yet, to two individuals with similar biology, one can, and one cannot. Imagine if humans were like vehicles, taken to a mechanic who is asked, “What’s wrong with this one? All the parts seem to be working just fine, but it just won’t do the things I want it to.” But i
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Interpretation of communication
How we are interpreted , not how we intend , is the true measure of our communication. In high-conflict separation, particularly when legal processes, parenting plans, or sensitive topics are involved, this distinction becomes critically important. It's easy to assume that because we’ve chosen our words carefully, others will understand our message the way we meant it. But communication is not about precision of language alone, it’s about the emotional tone, the posture, th
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 55 min read
Choosing a path forward
It is important to recognise that creating narratives in your mind about what happened—why your partner left, what they did, what they “should” be doing now—will not change them or what they have chosen to do. No amount of anger, frustration, or mental rumination changes the reality of the situation. And yet, so many get stuck in this cycle: thinking that if they could just find the right perspective, the right argument, the right “truth,” somehow the outcome will shift. But
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 54 min read
How Emotional Stress Impacts the Body, Mind—and Your Career
It is often overlooked just how much emotional stress during high-conflict separation can impact not only our home life but our career and professional reputation. Whether you are an employee or a business owner, separation stress does not stay neatly in a box labelled personal life —it seeps into everything, including your work. When we remain constantly focused on the negative—on the injustice, the betrayal, the fear of losing our children or our security—our body responds
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 56 min read
Food, Mood, and the Fight for Regulation
Oh, how nice it feels to eat a slice of cake when the world feels like it’s falling apart. Or to bury your face in a tub of ice cream after yet another heated exchange with your ex, or after walking out of court feeling like your voice wasn’t heard. That instant rush of sugar feels like a warm hug—dopamine surges, and for a moment, the pain softens. But here’s the thing: it backfires. That feel-good moment comes at a cost. A high-sugar, highly processed diet doesn’t just affe
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
Emotional Regulation Through Movement: More Than Just “Go Exercise”
So, you’ve heard it all before. “Get off your ass and exercise, it’s good for you.” They all say it. You already know. But honestly, if you’ve ever tried to lift weights at the gym after not seeing your children for a week or more, it can feel like everything is pointless. That emotional lasso wrapped tight around your chest just doesn’t want to loosen. Here’s the thing—just like doing a job you hate, forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy, even if there’s a financ
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Blocks We Build After High-Conflict Separation and Relationship Trauma
The mental blocks we form after high-conflict separation and relationship trauma often go unseen — sometimes for years. They are not always obvious. Most lawyers, therapists, counsellors, even those who work day in and day out through the family court system, miss these deeper wounds — wounds that become so intertwined into our minds, our bodies, and our nervous systems, that they start to feel like a part of us. They sink in like parasites, embedding themselves into how we t
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 55 min read
Co-Regulating Emotions in Intimate Relationships
Babies are not born with a fully formed sense of self. In the earliest stages of life, there is no distinction between "me" and "you." They perceive themselves as one with their caregiver and their environment. It is only through time, repetition, and emotional mirroring that a child begins to recognize their individuality. Through this co-regulation with a nurturing adult, a baby learns to soothe, to feel safe, and eventually to develop a separate and stable sense of self. B
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 53 min read
The Roles We Play – Emotional Survival and Patterned Behaviour
From the moment we are born, we begin to learn how to get our emotional needs met. As children, we instinctively observe and remember: What behaviour brings comfort? What expression gets us picked up? What words make someone listen? Whether it’s a cry, a tantrum, a silent withdrawal, or a charming smile, these responses begin to shape the strategies we carry into adulthood. A child who throws a tantrum and gets the toy learns that heightened emotion brings reward. A child who
Andrew Jaensch
Nov 43 min read
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