If you are currently not seeing your children and in Family Court there is a good chance that the only way to see your children will be in a contact centre. The frustrating part about the contact centre is not the location or environment but the wait times to get in, some intakes taking over ten weeks from registration where both parents must register prior to any enrolment. If the other parent is not willing to autonomously enrol a child in the contact centre this will be left up to the court to make an order that both parents must engage with the contact centre. As Family Court is such a slow process this can take months to simply make the order, add on top the long wait times to get in, by this time the relationship with a very young child is severely broken down. Because of this breakdown in the relationship, now the child expert, family report writer, or independent children’s lawyer may act on the side of caution due to this long separation and encourage a slow re-introduction period between a parent and child. Parents are almost forced to enrol in these child contact centres as a way to rebuild a relationship, and for family assessment reports to have any analysis of the relationship between a parent and child after such a lengthy separation. One would think that a family assessment should be made as soon as possible as to not require a contact centre if no child abuse has taken place and to not allow a withholding parent to influence a young child. If the family report writer wants to rebuild a relationship before assessment you would think this would be best while there was some form of a relationship to begin with, not after months to years of withholding, with six, two-hour contact sessions once a fortnight.
As much as it is important to protect a child, most of the reasonings to withhold a child it seems are from further false allegations, or simply that one parent wishes to hold onto a child. With no enforcement of a parent’s or child’s rights outside of the court, and with no current court parenting orders in place it seems there is nothing we can do. The ability for one parent to remove a child from the other seems easier than stealing candy from a baby, while if the other parent attempts to see their child (often fathers) they are labelled as harassing and bullying the mother. While mothers seem to call police if they no longer want their child with the father, often police intimidating a father to let their child go with the mother. I would like to point out that police do not have authority to remove a child in no danger from either parent with no current court orders in place, as stated by police themselves, however it does not seem to stop intimidations. It is incredible to witness mothers perform this horrible tactic on a child to gain control, with even other women and mothers condemning such lack of empathy from the withholding parent. Sadder still is that fathers are also performing such acts of withholding at times due to fear that the mother may withhold first. Lawyers have even stated to clients to withhold a child if they feel the other parent may withhold.
Are we really playing a game of cat and mouse with our children? Can we not think of our children above our own selfishness?
A parent seems so easily to be able to take a child away and prohibit a parent from seeing or even hearing from them. Seems a lot like the Australian government stealing Aboriginal children in early 1900’s. Oh, but this behaviour from one parent towards another and the hidden psychological abuse seems to be allowed, simply because of the title of “mother” or “father”. We need to stop protecting such disgusting behaviour simply due to the title or position of a person. “If it floats like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck”
The time you spend with your child at a contact centre may only be two hours every second weekend, hardly enough time to rebuild a connection with a child, one who we have seen every day of their young life prior, to suddenly be ripped away, now a mere visitor, with what seems no possible opportunity to rebuild love, connection, safety and security, all the things a young child needs and desires from a parent, leaving them to cling to the only parent permitted to provide such care.
When we leave the contact centre after visitation we are usually requested to wait behind for a period of time before leaving. As when arriving, both parents’ times are separated to avoid contact and any possible conflict. Heaven forbid, the abuser is confronted for such abuse to a child and their former partner, but all this being said, avoid any conflict or aggression, we may feel these emotions but it is imperative that we act in a kind and loving way towards the other parent at all times, and protect our children from these highly upsetting emotions while we spend what little time we have with them. I have seen many men broken and in tears after saying good bye to their beloved child. It truly is a sad scene. Try and keep these emotions from escaping when you first see your child. Due to the extended period of no contact, they will not understand these emotions and may become scared, worried or overwhelmed. No surprise that most of the parents that are in these centres are fathers, most doing anything and everything just to see their children. As much as you may bond with other fathers after seeing your children, I would avoid the urge to go grab a beer and get drunk or use any other avenues to lesson your emotional pain after saying good bye to your children. It is so hard, and I truly understand, but we want to make sure we are coming across and acting as good fathers.
Your contact with your child will be observed and recorded by a contact centre employee with a report written to the court after a number of visits. Remember these employees are simply fulfilling their role and do not deserve to receive our negative emotions. Most employees understand how broken our Family Court system really is but prohibited to have their own opinions voiced to parents.
Word of caution. A horrible tactic of a malicious parent may be to accuse of following them after the contact centre visit. I have heard of fathers being questioned by police for stalking or tail gaiting a parent after visitation. I find this hard to believe as parents are usually required to wait 15 minutes after the other parent leaves before permitted to leave themselves. If you are worried, a good option is to record yourself leaving and driving to your next destination, so as to obtain evidence of your travels, locations and times as a precautionary measure from any allegations. It is sad to say but if you have done nothing wrong and your former partner has simply taken your child away, there is a probability that they will do anything to keep their current situation the same. Do not give any reason or ammunition for the other parent to continue their abuse. Park in a different location, Record times of arrival and departure, avoid any probability of contact or conflict. Even if you feel like you have no animosity against your former partner, it is far better to be prepared and act on caution. Get a travel tracker for your car or app on your phone. “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best”.
If you found this post helpful and want to take your understanding even deeper, check out the Malicious Intent and Tactics Guide. It’s a practical, eye-opening resource designed to help you recognise patterns of manipulation, control, and emotional harm — especially in high-conflict separation. Whether you're navigating family court or simply seeking clarity, this guide offers the insight and tools you need to stay grounded, protected, and informed.