Food, Mood, and the Fight for Regulation
Oh, how nice it feels to eat a slice of cake when the world feels like it’s falling apart. Or to bury your face in a tub of ice cream after yet another heated exchange with your ex, or after walking out of court feeling like your voice wasn’t heard. That instant rush of sugar feels like a warm hug—dopamine surges, and for a moment, the pain softens.
But here’s the thing: it backfires.
That feel-good moment comes at a cost. A high-sugar, highly processed diet doesn’t just affect your waistline—it actively deregulates your nervous system, adds to emotional instability, and creates inflammation throughout the body. And a body already living in chronic stress, already in fight or flight, becomes even more reactive, even more agitated.
You are not weak for turning to food for comfort. This is human. But it’s important to understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—especially during a high-conflict separation, where your ability to remain calm, centred, and regulated is being tested at every turn.
Dr. Tara Swart, a leading voice in neuroscience and the author of The Source, writes that high levels of sugar and processed foods don’t just contribute to diseases like diabetes and dementia—they’re also linked to mood disorders, irritability, and poor emotional resilience. In other words, the very thing we reach for in pain ends up keeping us stuck in a loop of chaos.
Trying to function at work? Trying to stay composed while being questioned in a court interview? Good luck doing that with a brain wired up on sugar, caffeine, and stress hormones. You may look calm on the outside, but your internal system is probably in hypervigilance—reactive, impulsive, and far from the logical, stable place you’re trying to reach.
The problem doesn’t stop with diet. Food affects sleep, and poor sleep is a known trigger for emotional dysregulation. One night of bad sleep can:
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Decrease your IQ by several points,
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Lower your tolerance for frustration,
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Raise your cortisol,
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And make even small decisions feel overwhelming.
And when you’re tired, you’re less likely to exercise. You’re less likely to get sunlight. You’re less likely to do the very things that would help you heal. And so the spiral continues. Bad food. Poor sleep. No movement. Increased stress. All while trying to raise children, hold your job, manage conflict, and figure out who you are now.
But here’s the truth: you don’t have to be perfect.
This isn’t a lecture about becoming a clean-eating wellness monk. Sometimes, just asking someone to cook you a good, warm meal is enough. Go to mum’s. Go to dad’s. Let a friend drop something off. A healthy, home-cooked meal can do more than just nourish you—it can regulate your nervous system.
Why?
Because eating food with someone you trust releases oxytocin—the hormone of connection, safety, and bonding. And in a time where your trust has been shattered, where your heart is raw and vulnerable, these little signals to the brain that say, “You’re safe here” are worth their weight in gold.
In fact, sometimes it’s not even the food—it’s the environment around the food.
Dr. David Sinclair, in his book Lifespan, writes about the town of Roseto, Pennsylvania. In the 1960s, researchers discovered that this Italian-American community had unusually low rates of heart disease and longer lifespans than surrounding areas. And yet—they smoked. They ate fatty meats, drank red wine, lived hard lives. So what gave them such long, healthy lives?
Community.
Multi-generational homes. Deep family bonds. Spiritual traditions. Respect for elders. People ate together, walked together, helped one another.
And here’s the powerful part: when those tight-knit family bonds started to fade—when later generations became more isolated, more “modern”—their health statistics declined to match the national average. The food stayed the same. The work stayed the same. The difference was in the connection.
So yes, eat well. Fill your body with good fuel. But don’t just stop there. Create environments that regulate you. Join a friend for dinner. Sit at a table with someone who listens. Ask for support without shame. You are not broken for needing it.
You’re a nervous system trying to survive the unthinkable.
But you’re also a person who deserves to thrive—and that begins with the small, daily choices that give your body and mind the best chance to rise above the storm. Not by being perfect, but by being intentional.
And the next time you reach for that bucket of ice cream, just pause—not to punish yourself, but to ask: What am I really needing right now?
You might find the answer isn’t sugar.
It’s comfort.
It’s safety.
It’s love.
And that is something you absolutely deserve.
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