The Lawyer
Let’s start with the lawyers, because that’s probably the first thing you’ll think of after an unamicable separation. And no, not all lawyers are bad people. Some genuinely have good hearts and want to help. But there are hidden truths within the system that people aren’t often told, especially when they’re in the thick of emotional pain and just trying to survive the process.
If you’re representing yourself, expect to come up against intimidation and pressure from the opposing lawyer. They’re there to get the best outcome for their client, and sometimes that means tactics that feel manipulative or coercive. You may be painted as uncaring or selfish, when in fact you're simply trying to hold your ground. Gaslighting and psychological games are more common than people realise.
What’s hard to understand at first is the authority lawyers project — even though they aren’t judges. Some may dictate terms or make threats to walk away from cases if questioned, leaving clients feeling powerless, even when paying hundreds of dollars an hour. If any other profession behaved like that, it would be called out. But in this space, many clients are too afraid to speak up in fear of things getting worse.
This dynamic can feel like being back in school — with one group using experience and power to intimidate those who don’t know the rules. And when someone does try to raise concerns about unethical or aggressive behaviour, it’s often minimised or dismissed. Many have lodged complaints only to have them rejected without real investigation. Like all professions, lawyers are human — and when their licence is on the line, there can be strong incentives to deny or deflect responsibility.
Not all lawyers operate this way. There are many who act with professionalism, ethics, and respect. But the ones who rely on fear, inflated authority, and emotional manipulation can cause serious harm — not just to the parent, but to the entire family dynamic.
A common tactic is to use worst-case scenario outcomes to pressure agreement. Some lawyers advise clients not to mention alienation, manipulation, or even the mental health of the other parent — especially if that parent is the mother. There’s an unwritten rule in some circles: don’t rock the boat, even if you're sinking. Meanwhile, unproven allegations from the other side can run wild, leaving one parent fighting to clear their name with limited tools and limited time.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but many fathers are told that their job is to prove allegations false, not for the other party to prove them true. When concerns like manipulation, coercion, false reports, or alienation are brought up, they’re often minimised or said to have no weight in family court. Even when evidence exists. Even when the children are clearly affected.
Mental health is another double standard. A mother’s emotional wellbeing is rarely questioned unless there’s a clear incident. Meanwhile, a father reacting to the trauma of losing access to his children can be immediately flagged for psychological assessment. The system doesn’t always look at the full context. It reacts to who shows emotion — and who controls the narrative first.
Some legal professionals have even said openly that using the word “alienation” in court is a bad idea. But if a child’s perception is being shaped by false narratives, emotional pressure, or fear of losing a parent — is that not something we should be talking about?
It’s disheartening. Because while you're fighting for your children, you're also fighting for your character. And far too many parents feel like their own lawyer has given up before the first court date.
In conclusion, the conduct of family lawyers continues to raise significant concern across Australia. As noted in a paper by barrister Gavin Howard, family lawyers receive more complaints than any other area of legal practice, accounting for nearly a quarter of all complaints lodged in each state and territory—with the Northern Territory being the only exception, where they rank second. This trend is further echoed in Western Australia, where the Legal Profession Complaints Committee reports that family law consistently generates the highest number of complaints, particularly in cases involving disputes over children. These figures highlight the emotional intensity and complexity of family law, and the urgent need for greater oversight, accountability, and support for both clients and practitioners navigating this challenging legal landscape.